"I Don't Wanna Go Home"
written by
Michael Gray
“Go back home you damn fool!”
Farber laughed. His finger touched the bishop he'd been contemplating using for this very attack.
“Surely, you know you can't win.”
Farber looked up at his opponent. “Care to place a wager on that... Captain, sir?”
Captain Ralph Winston's eyes narrowed. “Such as?”
“Promote me to lieutenant before I leave this ship of yours.”
Winston eyes narrowed. “And if you lose?”
“I won't tell the galaxy how many times I've beaten you at this game in the last week.”
Winston shook his head. “Play or concede, young Ensign.”
Faber moved the Bishop. “Checkmate.”
Winston leaned over the board, investigating the ensign's claim. “Just hold up now.”
“That's twelve games.” Farber beamed.
Winston laughed. “Not bad at all, Ozzy.”
“Not bad? I'd say that's damned fine.”
“Okay, damned fine.” Winston offered his hand. “I am going to miss this.”
“Captain to the bridge!” came a male voice's call over the intercom.
“On my way,” Winston answered, already out of his chair.
Oswald Farber took one last look at the chessboard before following.
“Damn fine.”
***
On the bridge of the USS Matthews, Farber lingered in the background as Winston and his officers conferred over a communication they'd just received.
Farber had enjoyed his time on this ship. Not only had he and his three friends not become embroiled in some controversy or fought like they had for most of their journey, but due to a chance encounter with Captain Winston in the rec room their first night aboard, he'd gotten the chance to get close to this man who was everything a Starfleet Officer was supposed to be.
Funny, he thought. I'd always thought I'd learn the most over the course of years of service. But here on this ship I feel like I've come to understand that service and myself more than I ever could otherwise.
He was going to miss being here.
Winston walked over to Farber while the other officers took their stations.
“There's been an attack on a colony forty light years back along the way we came,” Winston said. “The tactics indicate the Orions.”
“We can certainly delay our arrival on the Chamberlain so the Matthews can handle this.”
Winston smiled. “No. You've got an adventure to begin and I won't be the cause of keeping you from it. And since we'll be heading the wrong direction, you should get going.” He took a step neared to Farber. “Always remember Ozzy, we all get a chance to make a difference. The key is taking the opportunity when it arrives rather than giving into fear, or anger, or even duty.”
Farber nodded. “I'll remember that, sir.”
Winston offered his hand. “Good luck, Mr. Farber.”
“Thank you, Captain.”
“You are hereby given clearance to depart.”
Farber turned and left the bridge.
***
“Twelve hours early,” Dulshan said with a long sigh. “So we'll have to wait that long for the Chamberlain to meet us?”
“Probably,” Farber said, sitting once again at the pilot's station on their runabout Ceylon, a position he had grown more comfortable with every time he took it. Fortunately Zaylie, who was the assigned commander of their little mission, was more than willing to let him. Farber suspected a runabout offered little excitement for her in light of her upcoming duties aboard the Chamberlain.
For as long as he'd known her, she'd always set her sights high. It was one of the things that made her so damn attractive to him.
He cast a glance at Zaylie, sitting at the sensor station behind him. All she offered in return was a frown.
He'd eventually change her opinion of him. It was certain as the stars.
“All clear,” Zaylie said. “Nothing in the area.”
“The Matthews signals we are cleared to depart the hanger deck,” Moani reported from the comm station.
“Then here we go.” Farber engaged the impulse drive, taking them out of the hanger and into open space.
“Signal the Matthews we are free and clear,” Faber said.
Farber checked his rear scanner and watched as the Nebula class starship went to warp.
“We're on our own once again,” Dulshan said, turning in his chair to the others. “Can we agree to avoid any arguments for this last week of being couped up in this tin can?”
“Not a problem with me,” Farber said.
But the silence in the cabin told him that wasn't the case with the others. He turned to them.
“What?”
“You and Dulshan have to stop your word games,” Zaylie said. “Otherwise I'm going to fire up the emergency medical stasis units and cram you both in there for the duration.”
“And I'll help her,” Moani added.
“They aren't exactly word games,” Farber said.
Moani stood. “I'll go activate the units.”
“Okay, okay!” Farber looked over at Dulshan. “We'll stop, okay?”
Dulshan frowned. “Those games were the only thing keeping me from killing you, Ozzy.”
“Here we go,” Zaylie said, rolling her eyes.
“I'm completely serious,” Dulshan said. “Otherwise he's a complete ass.”
“You're not a barrel of monkeys yourself,” Farber said. “More like a stick up the ass.”
“That's it!” Zaylie shouted. She turned to Dulshan. “You, go back into the lounge and read a technical journal or something. You are not to get into it with Farber for the duration. Is that understood.”
“You know, we are the same rank, Zaylie,” Dulshan said.
“And if you remember, Admiral Olanski placed me in command of this transport mission.”
Farber grinned. “Afraid she's got you on that, Dulshan.”
“Shut the hell up.”
Farber laughed.
Zaylie got in Dulshan's face, but with the nearness to him, her rage seemed to fade. “Please?”
Dulshan nodded and left.
Something about their exchange bothered Farber, but he couldn't figure out what it was exactly. And with he and Dulshan ordered to avoid each other, he wasn't likely to have a chance to dig any deeper.
Zaylie and Moani left the command deck as well. Farber took the opportunity to catch a glance of Zaylie's near perfect ass as she walked out.
After she was gone he returned to his controls. “One last mission to fulfill,” he murmured to himself with a grin.
From the day he'd met her, Farber had wanted to bed Zaylie Burton, and unlike any of the other women he'd approached, she'd been the only one to turn him down. That one act on her part had presented the greatest challenge of his Academy years.
It was the one piece of unfinished business which remained before he took on his career in Starfleet.
He prepared the runabout for warp.
Farber smiled.
Poor Dulshan. He'd been involved with various women at the Academy, but never any who stood out from the crowd. Never anyone like Zaylie. She was going somewhere in Starfleet, she was...
Farber's mind started to race.
That look.
“I know that look.”
That look!
Almost without thinking, he touched the last control, engaging the Ceylon's warp drive.
No, it couldn't be. It was impossible!
But... that look.
“That god damn son of a bitch!”
Farber leaped from his seat.
“I'll space him!”
On his way to the door, he stopped.
“No... I have to think this through. I can't have him deny it. He has to admit it.”
He slowly returned to the pilot's seat and pondered how to approach his... friend.
He touched a control and smiled.
“Dulshan?”
He waited.
“Yes?” came the reply over the intercom.
“You mind coming up here? There's an odd reading from a nearby star. I thought you might be interested in taking a look.”
“On my way.”
Farber switched the intercom off.
And he waited.
About a full minute later, Dulshan entered the command section. “So what's this star up to?” He sat at the sensor station.
Farber turned to face him. “When did you do it?”
“What?” Dulshan looked at him, frowning. “Is this a new game? Zaylie will be pissed.”
“You would know, wouldn't you?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Farber leaned forward. “How many times? Once? Twice? Every weekend?”
“Excuse me, but are we even in the same continuum?”
“You had sex with Zaylie.”
Dulshan took a long breath.
I was right, Farber thought. He can't decide whether or not to lie or brag.
“You're crazy,” Dulshan said. “She wouldn't give me the time of day.”
So, it's the lie route.
“Come on, Dulshan,” Farber said, doing his best to sound calm. “I saw that look she gave you.”
“What look?”
“The look a woman gives you that says 'If what we had meant anything, you'll listen to me now'.”
Dulshan took another long breath. “You're crazy.”
“No, I'm a guy asking his former roommate, and someone he thought of as a friend, if he's had sex with the girl I've had my sights set on for more than two years.”
Dulshan looked down. “I'm sorry.”
“The hell you are,” Farber said with more edge than he'd intended. “You got her, so why not be proud of it?”
“It wasn't a conquest, and it had nothing to do with you, Ozzy.”
Farber stood and walked to Dulshan. “You saw a chance to best me, and you took it. Just admit it.”
“There's nothing to...”
Farber couldn't stand any more.
He exploded with a punch to Dulshan's face.
Dulshan Dandapani tumbled out of the chair onto the deck. “Are you insane?!”
“How could you do it?!” Farber shouted. “You know how I feel about her!”
“She doesn't feel the same about you!”
“Not yet, but she will!”
“Not with the way you treat her!”
Farber prepared for another punch.
The deck fell away from Farber, then a moment later, slammed back into him.
Flashes of light filled the windows.
The alarm klaxon sounded.
“What the hell was that?!”
Farber moved to the controls and activated the shields.
Again, he felt the deck fall away from him.
Everything went dark.
***
Oswald Farber rolled over in bed. He ran his hand over the warm skin of the woman next to him. He'd enjoyed this.
She looked at him and smiled.
“What are you thinking?” Moani asked.
He shrugged. “Not much.”
“What do you want to do today?” she asked.
This was always the hardest part of these encounters.
“Look, Moani...” He'd learned to always remember the girl's name. Having to grasp for it always made it a million times worse. “I like you. This has been fun. And I'd like to see you again.”
She turned away. “But you aren't interested in a relationship, right?”
“I'm glad you understand.”
She got out of bed. “Last night I... you don't know how hard it was for me to open myself up like this.”
“We're Academy cadets. This isn't the time or place to be making long term commitments.”
She laughed and turned to him, but she was anything but happy. “I thought this place was all about commitments.”
Farber shook his head. This one was going to be difficult.
“Okay,” he said. “I do like you, but I'm not ready for anything involved. Can we just be friends for a while and see how things develop?”
She hesitated a moment. “If that's all you can give for now, I can live with it.”
He got off the bed and walked up to her. “How about a shower?”
She smiled.
***
“Ozzy?!”
Farber opened his eyes and saw Moani leaning over him, her hand cradling the side of his head.
The room was dark except for flashes of light from somewhere, a panel on the other side of the room maybe.
“What... something wrong with the shower?”
She smiled. “Shower?”
“He's in shock,” Zaylie's voice said. “Must have hit his head worse than I thought.”
Farber sat up.
The cabin was in shambles. Cables and conduits hung from the ceiling like so many vines in a rain forest. Suddenly the emergency lights came on.
“There,” Zaylie said. “The auxiliary systems aren't in great shape, but they'll do for now.”
“What the hell happened?” Farber asked.
“Cardassian scout class vessel,” Dulshan said, sitting at the flickering sensor panel. “They knocked us out of warp.”
“And pounded the shit out of us,” Zaylie said. She smiled. “That is until you got the shields up, Ozzy. Good move.”
“Where are they?” he asked as Moani helped him to a seat.
“Zaylie got a few torpedoes off and blasted them to dust,” Dulshan said. “Assuming they were a solo act, we should be okay.” He turned to Zaylie. “Right?”
Her smile faded. “Our primary systems are down. Unless we can get the communication system up to at least minimal operating status, no one will even know we're missing for two weeks.”
“Then we wait it out,” Farber said. “The Chamberlain will come looking for us.”
“We don't have two weeks,” Moani said.
“The life support system is failing,” Zaylie told him. “It's got maybe three or four days left.”
“I'm an engineer,” Farber said, standing. “I'll fix it.”
***
“Damn it.”
Farber closed the service panel.
“I told you,” Zaylie said from behind him. “You were out for an hour. I had plenty of time to examine the problem.”
“I know.” He leaned against the wall in the small, engineering alcove. “I just thought there might be a way for me to push it a little more to give us the time we need.”
“Thank you for trying.”
“Trying isn't enough,” he grumbled. “I should be able to do something.”
“It's not your fault.”
Zaylie stood silent for several moments. “The main problem seems to be with the CO2 scrubbing system. Is there a way we could extend how much time we can get out of that, say run it only periodically?”
“Not enough to keep it under a concentration of five percent. Hell even at two percent we'll start developing acidosis.”
Zaylie slid down the wall to the floor. “What if we sleep? That'll reduce our breathing, right?”
“Some, but not enough.”
Farber could see the desperation in her eyes. She was afraid.
“You know,” he began. “If we're going to die, we could always go out with a bang.”
She frowned. “How so?”
“You and I could finally have sex.”
Zaylie rolled her eyes. “You're impossible. Here we are about to die, and all you can do is joke about that.”
“Who said I was joking?”
“I don't love you.”
“Not yet.”
She laughed. “You seem to be running out of time.”
“Yeah, well... just a little snag in my plan.”
***
Dulshan turned to Farber. “Is it bad?”
Farber fell into the pilot's seat. “Yeah.” He looked out the front windows of the runabout. He'd always loved peering up at the stars as a kid. They gave him a comfort he never really understood. But not now.
“Carbon dioxide?”
Farber nodded.
Dulshan took the seat across from him. “Look, I'm sorry about before.”
It took Farber a few seconds to even remember they'd been fighting, and a few more to remember why. It didn't seem to matter now.
“No, I'm sorry.” He smiled. “Zaylie's never going to be interested in someone like me. You're her type.”
“Her type?”
“Someone who can look beyond himself.” Farber closed his eyes. “I think Captain Winston was trying to tell me that, but like a good teacher, he didn't come right out and say it. It was something I needed to discover on my own.”
“Hell of a time to figure that out,” Dulshan said.
“Better now than...”
“Yeah.”
Farber closed his eyes. “We probably ought to sleep as much as we can to extend the scrubbers.”
“Sleep away our last days? No. I'd rather face this one wide awake.”
“Then I guess we'll all have to take turns holding our breath.”
Dulshan laughed.
But something about the idea stuck in Farber's mind.
“Then again...”
“What?” Dulshan asked.
Farber shook his head. “Nothing.” He stood and walked to the rear of the cabin.
“Where you going?”
“To apologize to someone.”
***
“Moani, I need to ask you something.”
“Sure.” she said, seated at the table in the lounge.
Farber took the chair across from her. “This is going to sound incredibly narcissistic, but given our circumstances, I can't waste the time necessary to figure out a better way to put it.”
She nodded. “Go ahead.”
“Do you love me?”
“What?”
“I mean, back when we first made love, I got the impression that you...”
She turned away. “This is the wrong time to be asking that.”
“I don't think we're going to get a better time.”
She closed her eyes and remained silent.
“I didn't mean to put you on the spot,” he said. “If you do, or you did, or...” He felt like he was only digging the hole deeper.
She turned to him and smiled. “What are you trying to say?”
“I'm sorry.”
“For what?”
“You had feelings for me, and I... I didn't reciprocate.”
“You can't choose to be in love with someone, Ozzy. You either are, or you aren't.”
He smiled. “Damn, I should have come to you about this a couple of years ago.”
“Why?”
“Like any good counselor, you just told me the hardest thing for me to hear, but the one thing I needed.”
She reached across the table to hold his hand. “Glad I could help.”
“I wish it had been different between us.”
“Look, I'm not ready to give up just yet,” Moani said, with more than a little fear in her voice.
“Neither am I,” he said. “But I wanted to apologize to you, just in case something else came up and I didn't get the chance.”
He stood and walked to the door.
“Thank you, Ozzy,” she said.
***
“I've got a plan.”
Zaylie rose from her bunk. “If it involves us having sex, forget it.”
“Not that,” he said with a grin. “But how we might get out of this.”
She sat up. “I'm listening.”
“We have to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide inside the ship.”
“I believe that sums it up.”
He sat down next to her. “The best way to do that is to keep at least two of us from breathing.”
Her eyes went wide. “Are you suggesting two of us sacrifice ourselves?!”
“Not exactly.” He smiled. “We've got four medical stasis units aboard, right?”
“Yes, but we can't all enter them. Someone has to monitor the units.”
“We won't need to. I've done some calculations and all we need are two of us to go under.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Pretty much, assuming the two left don't engage in any strenuous activities,” he said with a smirk.
“Dulshan and Moani will never agree to it,” Zaylie said.
“I'm sure we can figure out a way to convince them.”
***
“No damn way!” Dulshan shouted.
“Me either.” Moani leaned back in the chair she'd settled into. “What if we're never rescued.”
“Then you'll just sleep.” Farber was tiring of this merry-go round they'd been on for the last twenty minutes. Why Zaylie wanted to discuss this rather than just order them was beyond him.
Dulshan stormed past the table in the lounge. He'd been pacing behind them before. Now he marched. “I don't want to die like that... to just fall asleep and never wake up.”
“Or worse, wake up in a thousand years when someone finds this ship floating in space.” Moani seemed near tears.
“It'll only be for a few days, a week at most until the Chamberlain locates us,” Zaylie tried to reassure them.
“Why do you two get to stay conscious?” Moani asked, narrowing her eyes at Zaylie.
“Because I'm in command of this mission, and a pilot,” she replied. “And Farber is an engineer. He'll continue repairs on the ship.”
“This plan stinks,” Dulshan spat.
“I could order the two of you to...”
“Then do it!” Dulshan said. “Because I won't willingly go into stasis.”
“Neither will I,” Moani added.
“You're both being childish,” Farber said. “This is the only way we have of insuring all four of us survive.”
“It sounds like giving up to me,” Dulshan said, stopping in his tracks. “We both know the life support system is barely hanging together. It'll likely fail completely in the next day or two. What then? And what about when the power system starts to go?”
“That's why I have to stay awake,” Farber told him. “I can keep the power up.”
Moani leaned forward, folding her hands over the table. “I think we should continue working on the comm system. If we can contact the Chamberlain or the Matthews, we'd have a far better...”
Farber interrupted. “No hope of repair.”
“Have you even tried, Ozzy?”
“It's gone, Moani.”
“I can't accept this,” Dulshan said. “We're Starfleet officers. We're trained to find ways out of messes like this.”
“Kobayashi Maru,” Farber whispered just loud enough for the others to hear.
“But you said this was going to work,” Moani stated, her voice trembling.
“This is our best shot,” Zaylie said. “But there are no guarantees. There never are.”
Moani looked at Dulshan, and he in turn glanced at her. After a moment, they nodded.
“Okay... but you will wake us up the moment you get the life support system stabilized?”
Zaylie smiled. “Of course. You have my word.”
“Let's get this over with,” Dulshan said, walking out of the lounge.
Moani followed him.
“You're better at this command thing than I gave you credit,” Farber said.
Zaylie nodded. “Thank you. But I figured they'd agree after they got over the initial shock.”
“I wouldn't have,” Farber snorted.
***
Half an hour later, Farber stood in the medical alcove, staring at the two stasis units which held Moani and Dulshan. Only the single blinking light on the units indicated anything was alive, that and the low hum produced by the independent generators that powered the stasis system.
Too quiet.
Death.
Zaylie walked up to him. “Everything stable?”
He nodded. “We can close it up.”
He followed her out.
***
Zaylie sat in the pilot's seat on the command deck, her feet up on the dark panel in front of her.
Farber handed her the last hot meal they'd have for the duration.
“Chicken?” she asked, sniffing her tray.
“The replicator system said it would take the least energy.”
She frowned. “You could have at least made it spicy.”
He sat down at the station across from her, and began to eat.
“Ozzy,” Zaylie said. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...”
He turned to her and smiled. “Forget it.”
They ate in silence for the next ten minutes.
Farber looked at her. “You homesick?”
“What?” Zaylie asked. “Why would you...”
“The way you were looking out the viewport, it seemed like you were thinking of home.”
“I guess a little,” she said, turning her chair to face him. “How about you?”
“Going home has never been an option for me,” he said.
“Why not? You burn the carpet when you were little?”
“Both my parents died at Wolf 359. I was at a three week science camp on Alpha Centauri at the time. The Melbourne had been the only home I'd ever known.”
“I'm sorry,” she said.
“Old news,” he replied. “And besides, it worked for me later.”
“How so?” she asked, a frown on her face.
“That thing about me and the girls' dormitory... they were going to kick me out of the Academy, but since both my parents were killed at Wolf 359,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I guess they felt guilty, and all I got was six months of counseling.”
“You used their sentimentality to cover up your bad behavior?”
“No. I didn't say a word about it.”
“But that was the net result, wasn't it?” Zaylie asked.
He smiled. “I used what was at hand to survive.”
Zaylie shook her head and started to get up.
“You shouldn't leave that seat,” he told her.
“And why not?”
“That sedative I put in your food should be kicking in about now.”
Zaylie's eyes flashed wide. “Sedative? What the hell are you doing?!”
She started to get out of the chair again, but Farber ran to her and held her down.
“You see, I lied about the life support system,” he said. “It's far worse than we thought. It'll probably fail completely in the next five hours.”
“But then...” Zaylie started.
Farber could see the panic in her eyes. He didn't want that. “You're going to be okay, Zaylie. I'll put you in stasis with the others.”
“No... but what about...”
She was becoming sluggish.
“With the rest of you in stasis, and if I sleep as much as possible, there should be enough oxygen in here for me to survive until help arrives, if not, I'll put on one of the environment suits, replacing the air processor as needed.”
“No,” she still fought his grasp. “Not your call, should be me.”
“Despite what you think of me, I really do have feelings for you, Zaylie,” he said. “And more than that, respect for you. You'll be safe in stasis. Consider it a gift to make up for all the times I irritated you.”
“No...” she whispered, finally losing consciousness.
Farber picked her up in his arms, and made his way to the medical alcove.
***
Oswald Farber stood over the open stasis unit, the nude body of Zaylie Burton patched into the unit's systems. He stared at her breasts a moment, thinking of how this wasn't the way he'd hoped to have a glimpse of this magnificent sight.
His hand started to move toward her.
Just a touch, that's all...
But he stopped.
Zaylie would of course assume he had taken liberties with her no matter what he said.
What he'd said about respecting her was true. And seeing her now, like this, wasn't a sexual experience, but more akin to seeing a masterpiece of art for the first time.
Farber wasn't about to ruin that.
He touched the control. The unit's cover began to seal over Zaylie's inert form. It finally stopped with a soft thud.
“Goodnight, angel,” he whispered. “See you on the other side.”
***
“Ensign? Can you hear me?”
Zaylie forced her eyes open. But everything was far too bright, and her mouth felt and tasted as if it had been stuffed with ten year old carpet.
Finally she made out the face that went with the voice.
I know him...
“Don't try to move. We're still stabilizing your metabolism.”
“Doctor Preston?”
Taylor Preston grinned. “Well, we know your brain is at least partially functional.”
“Where?”
“You're on the Chamberlain,” he said. “We found your runabout two hours ago. It's taken us that long to bring you out of stasis.”
“Long? Why?”
“It seems someone had taken a rather unorthodox approach to making sure your stasis units would function for years if necessary. It took us awhile to figure out how it was set up.”
“Had to be Farber... that damn fool,” Zaylie said. “I need to file a report of insubordination against him.”
Preston looked down at her. “Ensign, he didn't make it.”
“What?!”
“We found him in an environment suit, but its power system had given out a month ago.”
“Month? How long have we...”
“Nearly two months past your scheduled arrival.” He waved a medical device over her. “Your ship had drifted off course. Took us quite a while to find you.”
Ozzy...
“You rest for now. We'll talk more later.”
Zaylie grabbed his hand. “Moani and Dulshan?”
“They're fine,” Preston said, walking away.
Zaylie fell back onto the biobed, staring up at the sickbay ceiling. And for once, she regretted not hearing Oswald Farber's playful sexual banter.
***
Two days later, after considerable medical exams, the now trio were released from sickbay, but restricted from duty until Doctor Preston was certain there weren't any lingering effects from their stasis experience.
The three of them met each day for lunch in one of the large ship's smaller lounges.
But Zaylie wondered if Dulshan was already showing signs of an aftereffect of the process that saved their lives.
“I'm not going to stay here with that dick Hoffman in charge of the science department.”
“But he was here before...” Zaylie began.
“He's worse now if you can believe it. He spent a half hour trying to proselytize me to this new religion he's adopted.”
“But an immediate transfer will stand out on your record!”
“Everytime I see the two of you all I'm going to think about is that empty chair,” Dulshan said pointing to the vacant seat at the opposite side of the table. “Ozzy will always be missing. Nothing will ever change that.”
“But we're still friends,” Zaylie pleaded, wondering where the guy who had asked “what about us” had gone to. “We'll miss him, but...”
“He'll haunt whatever friendships we still have.” Dulshan stood. “I need a fresh start. If either of you ever need anything, let me know, but outside of that, please let me move on with my life.”
He walked toward the door to the lounge. Dulshan hesitated only a moment, his head beginning to turn back to them. But then he froze. His shoulders rose, and he exited the lounge.
“He just needs some time,” Zaylie said more to herself than Moani.
“I think we should respect his request,” Moani said.
Zaylie forced a smile. “We can still be friends.”
Moani shook her head. “We were never friends, Zaylie.”
“Don't say that, not now,” Zaylie said.
“I was a part of this foursome because I knew Dulshan and Ozzy. As far as I'm concerned, you're just someone they knew.”
“Despite how we've gotten into it lately, we've been friends for two years! How can you say that?”
“Because it's true. And because...” Moani closed her eyes. “Because Ozzy loved you, and you wouldn't give him the time of day.”
“Look, I simply didn't feel the same way about him.”
“But I did.” Moani rose from her chair. “And for that, there's been a part of me that has always hated you.”
Zaylie almost cried out to Moani. She needed someone who understood, someone who knew Ozzy.
On a ship of three thousand personnel, she was completely alone.
***
McCall looked down at his desk, his eyes revealing he was somewhere else.
“Losing someone under your command is probably the hardest thing you'll ever deal with,” he said. “The only thing worse is when it's someone you know... someone you care about.”
Zaylie couldn't hold back the tear sliding down her cheek. “But that's just it, sir. I couldn't stand him. But then he did this... something I'd never imagined he was capable of. And I feel like a horrible person for never having liked him.”
“People do things for reasons we may never understand. Sometimes, when they see their end, they gain a clarity they've never possessed.” McCall looked at her, their eyes meeting. “Ensign Farber, no matter his other failings, in the end, became what makes a Starfleet officer special. Rather than beating yourself up over how you related to him, become the officer he'll never have a chance to be.”
Zaylie nodded. “I'll try, sir.”
“I know you will.”
“Sir...”
“Yes?”
She fought back her feelings, not wanting to completely fall apart in front of her new CO. “Does it ever get easier?”
“Would you want it to?” McCall asked.
Zaylie thought a moment. “No. I guess I wouldn't.”
***
Zaylie sat at the conn station on the bridge of the Chamberlain, her first real day of duty as a Starfleet officer. Much to her surprise, she wasn't at all nervous.
Something had changed within her. What, she didn't know, but she was glad. For the first time in her life, Zaylie Burton felt like an adult. She still felt alone, but here on this ship, now... it was something she could bear.
She'd make new friends, form new relationships.
Jack McCall walked up behind her.
“Set a course for the Tartarus wormhole, Ensign,” he ordered. “Warp seven.”
Zaylie smiled at the thought of the massive Oceana class starship following her every whim. The captain might issue the orders, but it was Zaylie who held the reins to this huge beast.
“Course set, Captain,” she said. “Warp seven standing by.”
“Take us out.”
Zaylie's fingers slid over the controls, making contact where necessary. A second later, the beast roared to life.
* * *
Dark Horizon Story and Characters Copyright ©2011 Michael Gray
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