***
Written By
Michael Gray
***
U.S.S. Providence Sections Written By
Cleve Johnson and Michael Gray
***
Chapter 1 - Past Dreams
He tried to force it away, but the pounding came and with it the screams. Those desperate screams that he could not stop. They tore through the air and reverberated through his skull.
Silence.
No.
He watched the eyes as the last sparks of life evaporated into eternity.
He bolted up as he had every night for the last eleven months, out of breath and wishing he'd never wake again. Next to him in the dark room stirred the one person who knew his agony. She put her hand on his arm and edged close to him. "Again?"
He took in two lungs full of cool reprocessed air. "Sorry."
He crawled out of bed and walked over to the transparent aluminum window and watched the stars streak by. The glow of a nearby sun lit his desperate face as he wished for some way to open the thick pane and leap out.
Jack McCall didn't worry about these thoughts. He knew they'd die their own death as they did every night within the next hour or so. He hoped with time they would leave him forever, but that hope had gone unfulfilled for most of the past year.
Mei-Wan walked up behind her husband and hesitated a moment before she started lightly rubbing his bare back.
Jack closed his eyes and fell into the rhythm her fingers sent through his shoulders. The warm touch of her delicate hands drove the tension out of his muscles, bit by bit, back into the oblivion of the dreamworld from where it had come. He relaxed so much he almost lost his balance standing at the window.
He turned to look back at his wife of the last ten months. Mei-Wan was one of those women whose beauty would remain constant from age twenty to sixty and perhaps beyond. Jack knew that it wasn't just her long dark hair, smooth skin, and deep warm eyes that were eternal. There was something within her, some deeper part of who she was that could look at the cosmos with the wonder of a child and with the wisdom of someone who'd seen centuries pass.
Jack tilted his head to the side and smiled at her.
"Better?" she asked.
"Yeah."
She put her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed, turning him back to face the window. He surrendered to her direction and she returned her hands to his back, warmly working at his muscles.
"You know, I was wondering the other day if you'd studied massage or something."
Mei-Wan smiled. "No... I just make it up as I go along."
Jack grinned and turned back to the stars. His mind returned to the dream.
No, not this time. He forced the images from his mind. He let the sensation of Mei-Wan's hands kneading his tight muscles take over. The steady rhythm-- the warm touch.
He looked at the millions of stars past the window. So many worlds, so many lives. He often wondered what was the point to all of it. So vast, so empty. An endless void interrupted by bright localities fusing hydrogen to helium. Around those stars circled specks of dust inhabited by trillions upon trillions of lifeforms. Those beings existed but a moment and then were gone before they could even begin to grasp the universe about them-- a universe which showed no interest in those brief precious moments of conscious existence.
Jack took a deep breath. He knew this line of thought got him nowhere, but it was better that than think through the events the dream brought to his mind. Somehow he was comforted by the idea of an endless uncaring void. Maybe, he thought, he should follow its example.
Mei-Wan stopped and leaned against Jack's back. "Let's go to bed."
He resigned. "Sure."
Jack kissed her lightly as he rested back in the bed and felt the tendrils of sleep wrap around him again. He hoped he would leave the dream behind as he sank back in to the darkness, but he knew it was a pointless hope.
***
The next morning, if there was such a thing on a ship sailing between stars, Jack McCall fumbled about trying to get the most recent version of the standard duty uniform on. It never fit him quite right. He always felt if he raised his arms too high he'd rip out the shoulders.
He inspected himself in the mirror and frowned.
Jack McCall's bright eyes gazed back at him. He wondered where the jaunty and cocksure bearing that had attracted a number of women to him through the years had gone to. Not that he was looking for women any longer since he had married Mei-Wan, but there was something missing since that day he and his former crew had been taken as prisoners of war on some nameless hunk of rock light years away.
Jack peered at the empty counter in front of him and a stern bearing came to his face. He walked over to the bathroom where Mei-Wan brushed her hair.
"Have you seen my rank pins?" he asked.
She put the brush down and straightened her own uniform. "Weren't they with your things?"
"No." He took a moment to stare at his wife. How did she manage to look so good in these uniforms, he thought.
"Jack, I saw you pack them." She walked back into their room.
"I know, but they're not there now."
Mei-Wan stopped and frowned. She knelt down to the floor and picked up a small transparent case with four golden circular pins in it. She handed the case to Jack.
"I looked down there."
"Maybe you're nervous."
"About what?" he blurted out as he began putting the pins in his collar.
"Returning to active duty." She watched him.
"I'm ready."
"I didn't say you weren't. I said you might be nervous. There's a difference."
He put the last pin in his collar. "Like I said, I'm ready."
She nodded.
Jack put the now empty case on the counter. "How is it?"
Mei-Wan surveyed the four rank pins on his collar and grinned. "At least they're straight this time."
Jack made a wry face. "How was I supposed to know Admiral Turgidson was gonna show up?"
"I thought captains were always prepared." She walked back to the bathroom and returned to brushing her hair.
"That's not the point."
"Good thing the admiral didn't notice."
Jack shook his head as Mei-Wan put a set of rank pins in her own collar. She turned to him. "See, mine are straight."
"It’s a little hard for two pins not to be lined up, Mei."
"Excuses aren't very becoming, sweetheart."
He grinned. "I'll remember that the next time a certain archaeologist claims she didn't know an artifact was a fertility symbol."
"Hey, according to the text on the artifact it wasn't..."
He smiled as Mei-Wan continued, "The text only mentioned their sky god. How was I supposed to know the sky god was the fertility god?"
Jack chuckled. "It almost got your Captain married off to the high priest's daughter."
Mei-Wan walked up to him. "Good thing I finally figured it out."
"I could have ruled a whole planet."
"Instead you got me," she whispered as she leaned nearer to him.
He looked into her eyes and laughed softly, their lips but a few inches apart. "But it was a whole planet."
"You're impossible."
Just as their lips met, a chime sounded. Mei-Wan smiled as Jack let out an irritated sigh.
Over the intercom, "Captain McCall... Captain Stuart wanted to let you know he would be a few minutes late to breakfast, but suggested you proceed to his quarters. Our Chief Medical Officer will be waiting for you."
"Thank you. McCall out."
Mei-Wan looked at Jack. "Do you know Stuart?"
"Not really. We had a class together back at the Academy. I think it was Federation History or something."
Mei-Wan nodded and walked back to the bathroom. She stopped in front of the mirror a moment and lifted her hair off her shoulders, letting the dark flowing veil fall gently onto her back. Jack sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she turned to him and smiled.
Time froze. It wasn't anything in particular that caught his eye. Maybe the beginnings of that always warm smile, or the way her gleaming hair draped down her shoulders.
It was in these eternal moments when the universe seemed to pause to catch its breath that Jack lived life to its fullest. Not in exploring strange new worlds, not in the discovery of some new civilization, but in the quiet moments of pause that he shared with her. It was only in those moments that the universe made any sense at all.
***
Jack and Mei-Wan McCall arrived aboard the Ericsson Class U.S.S. Providence late the previous night and had yet to meet the ship's captain, Robert Stuart. This state of affairs wasn't too unusual. Officers often had to get transport any way they could when being transferred to new assignments. When just an Ensign out of the Academy, Jack had caught an automated freighter to his first assignment, the U.S.S. Bonifacio. The Providence, while a small ship, was much more hospitable than a freighter.
The Ericsson Class was a recent addition to the fleet and what it lacked in size it more than made up for in speed, maneuverability, and the latest technology. Most of the ships Starfleet constructed these days were these smaller, fast explorer starships. They took less time to build, less resources, and like the much used Defiant Class in the recent Dominion War, they held their own in a battle. Starfleet learned that important necessity the hard way-- over the dead bodies of thousands of its own personnel.
Jack and Mei-Wan strolled down the corridor on Deck Two of the Providence to a door marked: 'CAPTAIN R. STUART' and below that, 'DOCTOR J. STUART'.
They stopped a moment while Jack checked his uniform a last time. Mei-Wan smiled. "Are all captain's like this?"
Jack finished his check. "Most are worse."
"Heaven help the Galaxy."
"We have to set a good example."
Mei-Wan shook her head. "You'd think you were about to take Captain Stuart out on a date."
"I hope not, he's taken," chuckled a voice from around the corner. Jack and Mei-Wan turned to see a striking woman in her mid forties who had the look of someone ten years younger.
"I'm Doctor Janice Stuart, Captain Stuart's wife. Sorry I'm late. Rob just let me know he was running behind-- I was held up in sickbay."
"We just got here," Jack said. "A pleasure to meet you, Doctor. Jack and Mei-Wan McCall."
Doctor Stuart touched a control at the side of the door and it opened. "Welcome aboard. Come in."
Jack and Mei-Wan followed Janice into the room toward the dinning area. She touched a control on the wall and the lights came up revealing a spacious environment. "And please, call me Jan," she said.
Jack glanced about the room. "I'm surprised on a ship this size that the quarters are as large as this."
"The Captain's Quarters are the largest on the ship," Janice said as she went to the replicator and started touching the flat panel above it. "Juice okay?"
Jack and Mei-Wan nodded. Janice touched a control, causing the replicator to hum to life.
"I think Rob was a little reluctant to share all this space after we got married. For me it was a nice move up." She handed them each a glass of a strange lavender juice.
Jack looked at the glass a moment, trying to decide if he really wanted to put this strange liquid into his body. Mei-Wan drank hers heartily as did Janice. The Providence's Chief Medical Officer smiled at Jack.
"It’s a mix of Kaferian Apples and Jaldeza Fruit."
Jack didn't know what a Jaldeza Fruit was, but the woman was a doctor. He took a cautious sip and felt the cool liquid go over his tongue. At first it tasted like overly sweet orange juice, but as he swallowed, it made his throat tingle in a very peculiar, yet pleasing way. He took another drink as Mei-Wan turned to Janice.
"You'll have to excuse my husband, Jan. He's sometimes disinclined to try new things," Mei-Wan said as Jack gave her a wide-eyed look, but then smiled.
"Rob was just as reluctant the first time I had him try this juice," Janice said.
"You should have seen Jack on our honeymoon. We were at one of the best restaurants in the Federation and what does he ask for?"
Jack rolled his eyes as his wife let a moment hang in the air.
Finally she said, "Prime Rib."
Janice chuckled as Mei-Wan continued, "All the variety of hundreds of worlds and he asks for something he'd had practically from the day he was born."
"I know what I like," Jack said like a kid trying to defend eating his tenth cookie of the day.
Mei-Wan grinned at Jack.
Janice turned to her. "What did you have?"
"I tried the Marfasian Selic Fish."
Janice's eyes grew wide. "I've had that a couple of times! It's incredible."
Jack shook his head. What had he done to deserve this?
"What would you like for breakfast, Captain?" Janice asked Jack.
Jack knew he was likely to get more ribbing, but why quit halfway? "Bacon and eggs... chicken eggs from Earth that is," he said.
Janice smiled wide. "Mei-Wan?"
Jack's wife took a moment and said, "I'll have the same."
Jack turned to her. "Not something from over a thousand light years from Earth?"
Janice activated the replicator again. "You don't use a replicator to have something exotic. It can never get it quite right."
"Exactly," Mei-Wan agreed.
"But the juice?" asked Jack.
"That's not exotic," Janice stated.
Jack shook his head as the door to the room slid open and a tall, self-assured man in a captain's uniform entered.
"Rob Stuart," he said as he offered his hand to Jack.
"Jack McCall, my wife, Mei-Wan," said Jack as he took Stuart's hand.
"A pleasure to meet you both," Stuart said. He looked at the glass Jack held. "I see Jan has been busy pushing the latest concoctions our replicator has to offer."
Jack smiled. "Don't worry, I'm used to that sort of thing."
Stuart sighed. "I understand completely, Captain."
***
An hour later, Jack McCall and Robert Stuart stood at large windows looking out at space while their wives sat in the rear section of the Captain's Quarters looking over images from the Stuarts' wedding on a display screen. Both of these women, trained Starfleet Officers, knew without anyone having to tell them that there were times when starship commanders had things to discuss that were meant only for them.
Jack took another drink from his now full glass of that strange juice.
"Let's be honest, Captain," Stuart began. "We both know that it wasn't chance that had the Providence ferry you the last leg of your trip to the Delta Ophiuchus Shipyard."
Jack smiled. "You mean the Chief of Operations' nephew doesn't do this for every Captain?"
"The admiral wanted the insight of someone he could trust, that's all."
"I doubt he expected you to mention it to me."
"I may be the admiral's nephew, but I'm also a starship captain. I thought, as a fellow captain, you had a right to know that those above you in the chain of command are..." Stuart stopped and considered his next word, "... concerned."
"Scared to death was more my guess. They think my recent captivity may have sent me over the edge despite the fact that their best testing shows otherwise."
"We both know that figuring out ways to beat psychological tests has been the favorite hobby of every command cadet since James Kirk. We also know those tests don't tell the full story and that Starfleet history is full of captains who were certified fit and later snapped under the rigors of command."
Jack looked at the liquid in his glass and swirled it around a bit. "Did they tell you why they were concerned?"
"For one thing, I think hauling the prison camp commander back to Federation space during your escape caught them a little by surprise."
"I guess it sort of derailed the Trade Agreement with the Glazyalans," Jack replied.
"Bringing that commander back was proof of the Glazyalans deceit that the Council couldn't ignore. The Glazyalans while a minor Dominion ally, were an important symbol that the war was behind us, that our former enemies could become trusted friends."
"Save us from politicians and diplomats obsessed with symbols," Jack said with a frown.
"Those symbols can be important in shaping the political atmosphere the Federation functions in. Making friends from past enemies has been a hallmark of Federation diplomacy for the last hundred years. The Glazyalans were supposed to be a natural extension of that."
"Some friends!" Jack said with a laugh. "They negotiate a treaty while still holding prisoners from a war that had ended a year before."
Stuart looked out the window. "The Treaty was an attempt to move beyond the Dominion War."
Jack looked out at space as well. "Millions died during that war and the Dominion were allowed to just waltz back to their puddle in the Gamma Quadrant and act like nothing happened."
Stuart turned to McCall and watched him closely. "The war ended nearly two years ago. Its time for us to leave it to history."
"It didn't end for me and my crew until eleven months ago."
Again, Jack's thoughts were haunted by visions of his crew suffering, and him able to do nothing but watch helplessly as it happened. Seventy dead, twice that tortured to the breaking point.
He couldn't tell if Stuart knew the full truth about the Glazyalan commander he brought back. He suspected his former XO's report may have revealed the ugly side--- that Jack hadn't intended to bring the monster back to the Federation, but to dispense justice for his crew by tossing the arrogant creature out an airlock. It had only been Mei-Wan's refusal to stand aside that had stayed the hand of Jack's rage that day.
Stuart's eyes betrayed how his mind was elsewhere. Jack assumed it was the details of reports flowing through his mind as he tried to get a measure of the man next to him. Jack knew there were things in there that Stuart probably found hard to reconcile with service in Starfleet. Jack himself found them difficult now that the passage of time allowed him the perspective he'd lacked in the moment.
If Stuart could put himself in Jack's place and consider how he might have acted if it had been him and the crew of the Providence, then Jack had a chance.
"There's also concern with the way regulations were discarded while you were imprisoned."
Jack McCall turned to Stuart. "Look Captain, what my crew went through wasn't easy and I had to do things that normally I wouldn't think of, but I won't apologize for a single thing I did that doesn't fit the regulations. I'd do it all again."
A stern look came to Stuart's face. "Some might say more than regulations were violated."
"They weren't there," Jack replied as he took another drink. "I did what every CO should do for his crew, and if Admiral Hathaway doesn't like that then he can revoke my orders and I'll go spend the rest of my life painting, or gardening, or whatever it is old starship captains do."
Stuart waited a moment, then smiled. "I thought it was 'fade away'."
Jack grinned. "That's old generals."
They both looked at the stars streaking by outside the window.
"I'm not the Guardian at the Gate," Stuart said. "I'm just another set of eyes for Admiral Hathaway. If he didn't think you could command a ship again, then believe me, you wouldn't command one."
"I keep asking myself with all the questions about my fitness to command why they'd give me an Oceana Class ship."
Stuart gave McCall an amused look. "You're a symbol like the Glazyalans used to be."
"Symbols again?"
"You brought your crew back from an impossible situation against all odds and flew back to a Starbase with your former tormentor in chains. A rather dramatic symbol of courage and survival and a real, hard fought victory for a Starfleet that saw few of them during the war."
Jack shook it off and finished his juice. There wasn't much he hated more than the label of "hero."
Stuart continued, "And the Oceana Class ship you've been given is a symbol as well. Its size and power are meant to convey the message from a war weary Federation to any would be conqueror to take notice that the fight won't be as easy as they might think. Perhaps you should take all of this into account when considering what you think about my uncle." Stuart smiled. "He's really not a bad guy... for an admiral."
In his mind Stuart really was the Guardian at the Gate, but Jack liked him anyway. He prided himself on being able to read people quickly. While Robert Stuart wouldn't hesitate in keeping someone from the center seat who he was convinced would be a dangerous commander, Jack could see that Stuart wasn't a simple errand boy for his uncle. He was checking McCall out for his own sense of duty and honor. Theirs was an elite fraternity and it was the duty of every member to make sure the others lived up to that high standard they all believed in. So far, Jack had the impression he was still welcome in that group, at least as far as Rob Stuart was concerned.
Jack turned to him. "So, aren't you supposed to offer me a tour of the Providence? I thought all captains had a near nauseating pride for their ships."
Stuart grinned. "Right you are." The two COs walked toward the front entrance of the Stuarts' quarters and turned to Janice and Mei-Wan. "If our wives would do us the pleasure of joining us," Stuart said.
The four of them moved toward the door leading back into the corridor and Jack McCall knew that at least for the moment he could relax. The Guardian at the Gate appeared, for the time being, satisfied.
