Chapter 9 - Tuesday, 31 December 2377
Three days later Mei-Wan McCall stood in the Captain's Ready Room of the Starship Ravenscroft waiting for the ship's CO to return to discuss when she would transfer to his crew. She was pleased to be back in her standard duty uniform after four days of wearing her dress whites now that the event she had traveled to Gamala for was over. The Archaeological Conference had ended on a successful note despite the interruption of the Skorr attack to free her former Academy Instructor, Janus Osmand, from the custody of Federation Security. Somehow she suspected that getting arrested and then breaking out during the Conference had been carefully planned by Osmand to highlight his own beliefs which were now being discussed openly not only on Gamala but across a number of Federation worlds since his escape.
The other item of concern to Starfleet, the appearance of the G'voda vessel in Federation territory, was still keeping the Third Fleet busy. Jack had told Mei-Wan that his father continued looking for the large craft despite the fact that the U.S.S. Burbank had lost the trail of the intruder. A G'voda ship was too much of an unknown to let it wander through Federation space without keeping a close eye on it.
Mei-Wan looked out the windows at the curve of the planet below and the drydock structure the Ravenscroft still resided in. In a few days the ship would cruise away on its journey to the Tartarus wormhole and then on to the planet Hel'yra for a year or more. She took a deep breath and knew that she had to finally make her decision about whether or not she would make that same journey. She knew what she wanted. All she had to do was say it.
In less than fifteen minutes the year 2377 would come to an end and 2378 would begin. Mei-Wan feared what else might end. She thought back to all that had happened in the past year. She and Jack McCall had started their marriage just a few months before 2377 and enjoyed their time together.
The most important event of 2377 for her, aside from being assigned to the Chamberlain with Jack, had come when they went down to the planet Hel'yra and discovered an Ancient Progenitor installation on the surface and beneath it. It was everything Mei-Wan had ever hoped for as an Archaeologist and more. However, that discovery now called her back to it and she didn't want to think what a year or more apart would do to her marriage to Jack.
She let her breath slowly leave her lungs and thought about the choice before her. She had enjoyed the New Year's party aboard the Ravenscroft and the chance to see a number of old friends like LeAnn Goodwin and Susan Tanega. Mei-Wan was surprised at how members of the crew she hadn't known had welcomed her. They treated her as if she had been a part of their tight knit group for some time already. The crew, the ship itself, and its mission were everything she had ever dreamed of for her career. Why was she having such a hard time making the decision she wanted to make?
Dreams… This ship had something--- someone else she had once dreamed about. Six years ago he was almost all she thought about.
Commander Kyle Hoffman entered his Ready Room and took a deep breath as he walked towards the woman looking out the window.
"Great view isn't it?" he asked.
Mei-Wan watched the surface features of the planet Gamala slowly rotate away one after the other.
Suddenly her attention focused on something else.
Kyle stopped just behind her--- so close she could feel the warmth from his body. She tried not to notice, but she couldn't help herself. Nor could she help that her breathing had become deeper.
Kyle gently placed his hands on Mei-Wan's shoulders. She closed her eyes trying not to react. You know how he feels about you, a thought shot through her mind.
"My officers love you, Mei," he said. "They want you as part of this crew."
Mei-Wan turned to face him.
His voice lowered to a whisper. "And so do I."
She looked into his eyes remembering six years ago she would have given anything to see the desire she saw there now. More and more she wanted to give in to this moment--- to what she felt for him.
Mei-Wan wanted to be part of this ship's crew and she wanted the man who stood just a few inches away. There were few people she respected more than Kyle. She had been in love with him once--- a one sided, unrequited love--- her first real love.
Somehow everything had changed. Now he felt just as strongly for her as she had once felt for him.
Kyle ever so slowly leaned his face toward Mei-Wan, his eyes closed.
Let him! her mind cried out.
Her breathing grew ever faster knowing that in a moment their lips would touch and everything would change.
Nearer…
She could feel the warmth of his exhaling breath touch the skin of her face. She smelled the sweat beading on his skin.
Almost…
No.
Mei-Wan put her hands up against Kyle's chest, holding him back, his lips less than an inch from hers.
"Kyle, I…"
He sighed heavily and moved away. "Sorry."
Mei-Wan looked down at the deck and breathed for what seemed the first time in years.
Kyle turned and took a step away from her. "No, I'm not sorry," he said.
He turned to face her. "Mei, I've loved you from the first day you came aboard the Farragut. You are the brightest and most gifted scientist I've ever met. You're also the kindest and most giving person I've ever known. I made a mistake six years ago not telling you how I felt about you."
He smiled and looked into her eyes. "I want you in my life--- professionally and personally."
Mei-Wan took a deep breath and slowly let it exhale. She looked up at him. "Kyle… I…" She stopped. "Six years ago if I had heard you say that I'd have been the happiest woman in the Universe. I loved you so much."
She closed her eyes to fight back the tears. "I used to make up reasons to come by your office and your quarters…"
She laughed.
"I remember coming by late one evening with a set of readings on an artifact that I knew were something you'd already seen, but in the back of my mind I hoped you'd ask me in and we'd talk and…"
She turned to look out the window again, her back to him. "I can't--- I..."
Kyle took a step closer to Mei-Wan. "Me or the expedition?"
She shook her head. She tried to convince herself the two were separate, but she knew that was a lie. They had become tangled together so much over the last six days that she had used one to give her an excuse to indulge the other. I want this… all of it, she told herself. The expedition and… and Kyle.
"Don't give up on the expedition because of me, please," he pleaded.
She turned to him and looked in his eyes. He walked up to her and slowly reached out and lightly grasped her arms.
Her thoughts raced. All I have to do is say yes!
"You can't say no to this expedition to Hel'yra, Mei. We need you."
She looked at him. "We?"
He took a breath. "Yes, I'll admit it. I need you--- I want you here."
She shook her head trying to fight the growing rampage of thoughts in her mind.
He smiled. "We can go back to six years ago and get it right this time."
Mei-Wan looked down. "Things aren't that easy."
He pulled her nearer. "We were meant to be together, Mei. You know that."
Her eyes were full of tears, but none had fallen yet.
His voice softened. "You love me just as much as I love you."
She closed her eyes. "I'm married to Jack. He's my husband."
"Does he want you to go to Hel'yra?"
Mei-Wan hesitated and then shook her head. "No. He won't say it, but I know he doesn't. He's…"
Kyle tilted his head. "He's afraid he's going to lose you isn't he?"
She nodded.
"He knows your marriage is over. You do too," Kyle said. "Its time to accept it and choose the life you've always wanted."
He's right… NO! Her thoughts swirled about her like a storm full of life and energy tearing across a once quiet countryside. Jack is self-destructing do I have to let him destroy my life too? I'm lost and alone on the Chamberlain. Here I can be with Kyle and live the life I've always wanted!
And then in her mind, almost as if another was speaking, You know you've never really loved Jack. The Glazyalans put you together--- the same ones who murdered Robin. Should they now finally destroy you too?
Kyle looked in her eyes. "You know if you walk away from this you'll always regret that choice, Mei."
Yes, you'll always regret it. Now is the chance to put things right! she thought.
She looked down and took a deep breath. She had to choose. She knew what she wanted.
Mei-Wan looked up at Kyle. She looked over his face and then to his seductive eyes. They drew her in just as they had six years before--- before Jack.
For a moment she thought of Jack's eyes and then his smile. It was time to choose.
Goodbye, Jack, she thought.
She started to rest her head against Kyle's chest, but stopped. No!
A faltering thought struggled its way to the surface of her mind. Jack still loves me. I can't give up yet.
She stepped away from Kyle Hoffman. He sighed heavily as she turned and stepped toward the door that would take her out of the Ready Room and lead her off the ship.
"Mei, wait."
She stopped at the door.
Kyle took two steps toward her, but stopped when she didn't turn to him. "Please, think about this--- think about us."
She did not move or speak. Kyle sighed and his face became hardened. "Can you honestly look at me and say you don't love me? If you can, then leave. But if you can't…"
Her shoulders slumped, but she didn't turn to him. "I don't know which is worse," she whispered. "That I can't tell you, or I won't."
She moved toward the doors and they parted for her. She hesitated but a moment and then walked through the portal just as a chime sounded.
The year had just changed. 2377 was gone forever.
