Chapter 8 - Too Much That Time Cannot Erase
The next morning as the Chamberlain sped at high warp toward the Folam system, Jack finished putting his uniform on while he looked around his far too quiet quarters. He and Melissa had decided, considering the circumstances, that it would probably be best for her to sleep in her own quarters for the next couple of days until they got a chance to sort their lives out.
But Jack did miss having her there. It felt good to wake up to Melissa's infectious smile every morning.
His mind drifted.
"You used to think the same about Mei-Wan," he whispered to himself.
He went to a mirror and made sure his rank pins were on straight.
He knew one of the reasons for his anger toward the Vedala was the way he had moved on with his life, thinking Mei-Wan was dead when they knew she was alive. If only they had told him. He might have...
No, he thought. I'm not going to do this. We did nothing wrong, damn it.
Satisfied his uniform wasn't going to look much better than it was, he made his way to the door.
He exited his quarters and walked down the corridor.
"Jack!" he heard from behind him.
He stopped and found Mei-Wan hobbling her way toward him on a cane, wearing a blue sickbay robe. She waved him toward her.
"What are you doing out of bed?"
"Doctor Preston said I needed to get my muscles back into shape," she said with a frown. "After spending more than nine months in stasis, I guess he figured I could use the exercise."
Jack walked beside her as she slowly made her way down the hall.
"You sure you aren't pushing things a bit too much?" he asked.
"I was going crazy down in sickbay," she said. "Besides, it's fun to see the shock on people's faces when they pass by me in the corridors."
Jack chuckled. "I guess word of your return hasn't made its way through the Chamberlain gossip mill just yet."
"Speaking of gossip, what's up with Melissa?" Mei-Wan asked. "She came to see me this morning, but only stayed a few minutes."
Jack knew the real reason, but fortunately this day, he had one which was safe to give her. "We've got a mission to get ready for and I had Melissa take charge of getting everything prepared."
Mei-Wan frowned. "Come on, Jack, you could cut her a little slack. After all she is my best friend. I'd like to get a chance to talk to her."
"Mei, this mission involves you. I've been ordered to bring you along."
"How could anyone plan for me to go along when I just got back?"
"Believe me, you're better off not knowing," Jack said.
Mei-Wan stopped walking and put her hand on his arm. "Jack, what's going on?"
"A lot of things have changed since you disappeared," he told her. "The G'voda have attacked several Federation worlds and..." He stopped. "Look, I need to get to the bridge right now. Can we talk later today?"
Mei-Wan stared at him, and for a brief moment she thought she saw fear in Jack McCall's eyes. "Jack, I know things between us weren't all that great when I left, but I want you to know, I'm here if you need to talk."
Jack smiled. "I think I should be the one making that offer. You're the one who was abducted and put through hell."
She touched his cheek. "But it's usually the ones left behind who suffer the most."
Jack closed his eyes. He wanted to tell her everything, to explain the why of it all, but he had too much to do. "How about we meet for dinner?" he asked. "Say around 1800? There are some things we need to talk about."
She nodded with a soft smile. "I'm going to my quarters on Deck Eight and see if the couple of uniforms I left behind are still there. I thought, since Preston's letting me return to duty in a week, that I'd go see Sunita Mahajan and find out what's been going on with the Archaeology Department."
"Good idea," Jack said. "I'll talk to Simmons later today and see about having those orders cancelled that had you assigned to Kel-j'na."
"Thank you," she said. "After everything that's happened, I'd feel a lot better staying here."
***
Mei-Wan, now wearing a standard duty uniform, stood outside a door on Deck Seventeen debating if she really wanted to talk to the person on the other side. She no longer had questions about how she felt about him. That was long past. She just despised the idea of being in the same room with him.
She stepped forward and entered the office.
Behind a large desk sat Kyle Hoffman. He looked up to see who had entered his sanctum.
"Mei!"
He tried to stand and walk up to her, but she quickly sat in the chair across from him. She was in no mood to rekindle anything he had in mind.
He slowly sat back down and regained his composure.
"I would have thought you'd be more friendly," he said.
"I'm here because you're the head of my department," she stated. "I was hoping we could discuss my return to duty."
"Okay," he murmured. "Have you been cleared by Preston?"
"Yes. He said I can resume my duties in a week."
Kyle nodded slowly. "Then you can rejoin the Archaeology staff."
"Kyle, you know damn well I was Chief Archaeologist before I was taken prisoner." She shook her head. "'I've been through too much to be amused by your childish little games anymore."
"No, you were transferred to Kel-j'na."
"That was only temporary."
"Well," he said, returning to his PADD. "While you were dreaming your life away in stasis, the rest of us got on with our lives. Sunita's been running that department for the last nine months."
"Kyle, I've already talked to Sunita about this," Mei-Wan explained. "She's perfectly willing..."
Kyle tilted his head. "You mean intimidated."
"What?"
"You are still the captain's wife aren't you?"
Mei-Wan rolled her eyes. "I didn't coerce Sunita in any way. She was the one to bring it up."
"Probably just to allow her the delusion of thinking it was her idea," Kyle responded.
Mei-Wan stood to her feet. "I will go to Starfleet Command on this."
"Good," Kyle said. "I'll have Admiral Olanski's opinion on the matter in far less time than you can get even halfway up her staff."
Mei-Wan glared at him as he stood and walked over to her. "I doubt your ass-kissing will impress Admiral Simmons very much. Where I go is his decision to make."
Kyle took a breath and backed away. "Mei," he began. "I don't want it to be like this."
"Neither do I," she agreed, staring him down. She knew he was simply replacing confrontation with an attempt to charm her, but it wasn't going to work this time.
"We could be so great together."
"We will never be together, Kyle," she laughed. "You're not someone I could ever be with."
"And McCall is?"
"Jack and I at least love each other," she said. "I don't know if you're even capable of it."
"Then you don't know?"
"What?"
"Well, you might want to ask the captain whose arms he found comfort in while he believed you were dead," Kyle said with far too much glee.
"Kyle, grow up. Whatever Jack has been doing since I've been gone most certainly isn't any of your business." She turned and left his office.
Kyle let out a defeated sigh and returned to his desk.
***
Melissa stood staring at Jack doing her best to remain calm, but she had waited as long as she could. "What are we going to do, Jack," she said, her gaze focused intensely on him. "We have to tell her."
"I know," he said softly with resignation. "I'm going to talk to her over dinner."
"What exactly are you going to talk about?" she asked. "Where are things headed with us, Jack?"
Jack looked at her. He could tell she was less than a minute from falling into a pit of tears and he knew why.
Her jaw tightened. "Are you going back to Mei? Am I just the stand-in woman? Please don't tell me that's all I was to you."
"No," he insisted. "No." He stepped up to her. "I never thought of you that way."
She looked into his eyes. "Then tell me, Jack."
"I love you Melissa."
Her lower lip quivered. "But you love Mei too, don't you?"
He closed his eyes and turned away. "Melissa, we spent months talking about this. You know how I feel about Mei, but that doesn't change what we have between us. Our relationship..."
Before he could go any further Mei-Wan marched into his quarters. "Jack, we need to talk about..." Her voice faded away as she noticed Melissa standing next to Jack.
The three of them stood frozen in place. Jack and Melissa both saw the realization hit Mei-Wan with the force of an arctic blast. Shock was followed by anger, and anger by the kind of hurt that hits the gut in a way that makes it hard to remain standing.
Mei-Wan felt her skin grow cold as all the blood rushed from her face. "Oh my god…"
"Mei, look," Jack jumped in. "I can only imagine what you're thinking right now... "
She searched for the breath to make her voice heard. "No, Jack. You can't." She stared directly at him wishing she'd find something, anything in his eyes to give her hope that this wasn't happening. "Melissa, will you please excuse us?" she said, trying to keep from exploding at them both.
Melissa walked toward her. "Mei, I..." she began.
"Please, just go." Mei-Wan didn't even glance at her.
Melissa turned to Jack who gave a short nod.
"I'm so sorry, Mei," Melissa said, her voice breaking. "You have to believe we never meant to hurt you."
A moment later Melissa was out the door and Mei-Wan and Jack faced each other.
"When I found out I'd been gone for almost ten months I figured you'd probably slept with someone else and I'd decided I'd find some way to live with that... eventually." Her gaze remained on her husband. "But Melissa, Jack? Why did it have to be her?"
Jack's eyes didn't waver. "We thought you were dead. This wasn't something we planned, or looked for. As much as I might want to control how I feel about Melissa or anyone else, that's not how..."
Mei-Wan backed up a step. Her brow raised. "Oh my god. It wasn't just sex, was it? The two of you... " A tear fell from her eye. Suddenly everything Mei-Wan believed about her life, everything she had come to expect was shattered beyond recognition.
They were in love. She could see it now.
And Jack knew she saw it. "This is a complicated situation and we need to talk about it."
"What exactly is there to talk about?" She turned away from him.
"I know when you left things weren't exactly great between us." He walked up behind her. "But we're the ones who will decide how this is going to go. Nothing is forcing us to go one direction or the other. I know how this has to be hurting you right now, but..."
"Please, don't tell me how I'm feeling, Jack."
He took a step back from her.
She turned back to face him. "You need to decide, what you're going to do, Jack."
Jack's eyes narrowed. "Am I really the one who has a decision to make, Mei?"
"What are you talking about?" she asked with a confused look.
"You've never really decided what direction you wanted your life to go," he said. "Or who you wanted to spend it with."
She was about to say something, but stopped. Her mind raced with one thought: running away.
A moment later, she walked out, leaving him alone in his quarters.
***
"Having the rest of the Universe jump ahead more than nine months when it feels to you as if only a week has gone by is a unique situation," Akala Wilmarza said. "You shouldn't expect to be able to deal with it very well. No one could."
"Look, I've been told all my life how unique and special I am," Mei-Wan said. "This is just one more aspect of that. I can deal with it."
"I didn't say you were unique," Akala corrected. "I said the situation was. You and the situation are two different things entirely."
Mei-Wan sighed. She didn't even want to be in the counselor's office, let alone be stuck talking to her, but Taylor Preston had given her a direct medical order to see Akala as part of her recovery. She'd tried to tell him she just needed some time alone, but he'd insisted on counseling for her.
"Talk about your captivity," Akala said, apparently changing the subject.
"There wasn't that much to it really," Mei-Wan said with a shrug. "And what I was awake for I only remember in fragments."
"Tell me the first thing that comes to mind."
Mei-Wan inhaled and thought for a moment. "Zachary..."
"Our former science officer?" Akala asked.
"He's a machine now, one of the G'voda," Mei-Wan said. "He was there."
"What else?"
Mei-Wan looked directly at Akala. "Is there a point to this?"
"Does there need to be?" Akala asked.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because..." Mei-Wan stopped. She knew she was being baited. "It would be nice if this was more than a waste of time."
"Is it necessary that you know what the point of it is at this moment?" Akala asked.
"I suppose not," Mei-Wan said shaking her head.
"Then continue."
"Okay, they had me... I was strapped to a table of some sort, and uh…" Mei-Wan stood to her feet. "There's no point to this!"
"Sit back down, Lieutenant," Akala said calmly. "This session isn't over yet."
Mei-Wan rolled her eyes and fell back in the chair. She folded her arms and glared at Akala.
"What is it you're hiding from, Mei-Wan?"
"Nothing!"
Akala leaned forward. "You're angry," Akala said softly.
"You're damn right I'm angry!" Mei-Wan screamed. Her chest heaved as she fought off the urge to weep.
"What about?"
"Everything!" she shouted. "Being taken prisoner! My career! My... my marriage!" She couldn't fight off her tears any longer.
Akala pulled her chair closer to Mei-Wan. "Do you need to take a break?"
Mei-Wan did her best to dry her wet cheeks. "No."
"Okay," Akala said. "How did you feel about your marriage before you left?"
"I didn't know what to think," Mei-Wan said, taking a deep breath. "We were having a lot of problems." Mei-Wan let out a hollow laugh. "It all seems ridiculous now."
"Why, because you think the marriage has failed?"
Mei-Wan shook her head. "Because Jack and I wasted so much time with meaningless crap."
"I doubt it seemed meaningless at the time," Akala said. "Didn't some of it involve career choices for you?"
"You'd be surprised how much of your life seems insignificant when you're expecting to either die or wake up inside the body of a machine," Mei-Wan said.
"What did you think when you woke up here on the Chamberlain instead?"
"This is going to sound so silly..."
Akala smiled. "Don't worry about that. Only you and I will hear any of it."
"Well, I thought Jack had found me on Nybiros," Mei-Wan said. "I thought after a quick kiss and an 'I love you' we'd fight our way off the planet with phasers blazing."
"A bit dramatic, don't you think?" Akala asked with a grin.
"Blame my father. He was always reading me old stories of daring and romance while I was growing up."
"But instead, this G'voda, Cilda, saved you," Akala said.
Mei-Wan nodded.
"But you still wish Jack had come to your rescue?"
Mei-Wan shrugged her shoulders. "Like I said, it's a little silly."
"Perhaps unrealistic," Akala replied. "But it does have an emotional appeal to you."
Mei-Wan leaned forward. "What does that say about me?"
"It could say a lot of things about you," Akala said. "What do you think it means?"
Mei-Wan frowned. "Probably nothing good." She looked at Akala. "What do you think?"
"I think you have a good idea what it means," Akala answered. "But you want me to say it so you can have the option of dismissing it."
"No, that's not..."
"Yes, it is."
Mei-Wan sighed.
"You're a scientist," Akala explained. "And you're intelligent. That's a dangerous combination for someone seeking counseling. You can always come up with rock solid rationalizations others find difficult to dispute."
Mei-Wan looked away.
"Going over your records, I see you're especially good at it," Akala said.
"Now wait a minute..."
"Don't try to lie to me, Mei-Wan," Akala said sternly. "You want to be taken seriously, but you're more than willing to use that little girl pout of yours to disarm someone or to get what you want."
Mei-Wan stood from her chair and walked over to the window. She crossed her arms and looked out at the stars streaking past.
Akala smiled.
"So, you're not going to answer my question?" Mei-Wan asked.
"I thought I just did."
Mei-Wan stood in silence for over a minute. She walked slowly back to her chair and sat down.
"You think I have unrealistic expectations."
"Do you?" Akala asked.
Mei-Wan closed her eyes.
"Are you disappointed with your husband?" Akala asked.
"Don't I have a right to be after..." she stopped.
"You have a right to what you feel, Mei-Wan. However, that doesn't mean it's appropriate or that it will get you what you want from life," Akala explained.
"I don't know what I want anymore," Mei-Wan said sadly.
"That's the first truly honest thing you've said all afternoon."
"I love Jack, but after what he and Melissa have done, I just don't know what to think."
"He's not the same man he was when you left," Akala said. "He's learned to accept certain realities."
"But that's good."
"Yes, for him."
"Are you saying it isn't for me?" Mei-Wan asked.
"Your relationship was based on a certain set of dynamics," Akala said. "For Jack, those have changed."
Mei-Wan inhaled deeply. "You think I should let him go."
"I think you should be certain of what you want." Akala leaned forward. "Over the past nine months, Jack has changed. He's had to deal with your death twice."
"Twice?"
"A G'voda machine which believed it was you was found and brought aboard," Akala said. "After a period of time it attempted to take over the ship. Jack was forced to destroy it. He thought he had killed you."
Mei-Wan looked back at her. "He didn't tell me."
"You should go see Kristy Bishop," Akala suggested.
"The chief engineer?"
"Yes," Akala said standing up. "Our session is done for today."
"But what am I going to see her for?" Mei-Wan asked.
"To learn that the hardest thing to accept about reality is that it often changes in ways we don't like."
