"An Old Life"

written by

Michael Gray

Jack McCall pulled at the crate lid again, but it refused to budge just as it had the previous five times.

"Damn," he whispered.

"Do I need to get you a phaser for that, sir?

Jack turned and found a grinning woman with short, dark hair standing a few feet in front of the desk in his ready room.

"I'm beginning to think so," the Chamberlain's captain replied, now giving Celeste Purcell his complete attention.

"What is all this?" she asked, pointing to the small mountain of crates behind the desk.

"After a year and a half of commanding this ship, I decided it was about time I started to add a few personal items to my ready room."

Purcell took a single step forward. "Most captains do that their first day."

"I've never thought of this ready room as anything more than a temporary place to catch my breath."

"But now?" she asked with a slight tilt of her head.

Jack gave his Chief Staff Officer a quick smile and returned to his battle with the crate lid. "I guess the place has finally started to grow on me." With a twist and a pull, the lid finally surrendered to Jack's persistence and came free with a soft pop. "Was there something you needed to see me about?"

Purcell handed him a PADD. "Nothing too important, just Utopia Planitia's updated schedule for our departure as well as the list of new personnel."

Jack gave the device a quick glance after setting the crate lid down on his desk. "A week?"

"The yard commander wants more time to finish the corridor refurbishing."

Jack rolled his eyes and started going through the items in the crate. "Three extra days just for that?"

"They do have to replace panels for forty-five decks." She forced a smile. "The new corridors do look good, sir."

Jack frowned. "But I liked the old panels."

"You know what they say about change being the only constant, sir," Purcell said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, along with death and taxes."

Purcell gave him a curious look. "Taxes, sir?"

"Just an old saying." He returned to sorting through the crate. "Any word from Kristy Bishop about the warp drive?"

"She told me she'd have a report for you tomorrow morning."

"Good." Jack laid out the various plaques and photographs from the crate onto his desk. "Was there anything else, Commander?"

Purcell gave him a grin. "You wanted to find out when a certain OPS officer was due to return."

That caught his attention. "And?"

"She's scheduled to return in three days."

Jack's eyes betrayed equal parts happiness and anxiety. In the four weeks since they'd last spoken, Jack had built up enough doubts about their relationship to fill the main bay of the Chamberlain, but despite all of that, there was one certainty that never wavered: he loved Melissa.

"Thank you, Commander," he finally murmured.

"Aye, sir," she said, leaving him to his unpacking.

Alone again, Jack turned to another crate, this one with a label indicating it had come from the University of Chicago.

He gave the small container a smile and carefully removed its lid. He pulled out a flat, sealed golden frame, and held it up to get a good look at the single page of paper held behind a thin pane of glass.

Jack had allowed a group of historians to study the letter, but only on the condition he got it back before his ship left Mars. And true to their word, they'd returned it to him in time.

He stared at the words written by Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain on the paper within the frame. While living in the nineteenth century, despite the risk involved, Jack had sent a letter to the man his ship had been named after and Chamberlain had been kind enough to respond.

His eyes were drawn to the portion of the letter that addressed one of the demons which had haunted Jack's Starfleet career...

I suspect your question tells me far more about you, dear sir, than my answer may reveal about myself. Few ask about such things except they have carried that particular burden upon their soul.

Battle brings many privations and sufferings, but it also calls forth the highest qualities of manhood. Among these is the sacrifice of the self for something held higher.

To think of those who fall in battle, especially those we command, only as lives lost is to do them a great disservice. They have given of themselves in the fullest measure and that is how we should remember them, rather than as a life cut short.

Only when we acknowledge a higher purpose has been served through their sacrifice can we begin to honor those who have fallen. And in so doing, we are humbled by the noble souls we once knew, for we recognize that they are far greater than we.

I encourage you to consider those you once served with in this light.

While Jack doubted the former Civil War general could have conceived of the places and the higher purposes for which Larissa James and Robin Nelson had died, he had taken Chamberlain's words to heart. Those words, along with what Mei-Wan had told him about Larissa James's life in the alternate timeline--- one where Jack McCall had never been born--- had made him finally realize how selfish he had been.

He'd been so wrapped up in what Larissa's death meant about his command skills, about his ability to deal with dangerous situations, and how it gave him an excuse to avoid facing the realties of life that he'd never truly honored the beautiful woman he'd fallen in love with at the Academy.

Joshua Chamberlain was right. People like Larissa James and Robin Nelson, because of the sacrifices they made, were far nobler than Jack had ever given them credit. They'd become reasons for him to doubt himself, rather than brave women who'd given their lives to protect others.

He hoped someday he'd be able to live up to the example of their courage.

Jack attached the frame to the wall across from his desk.

He stepped back from the letter just as the door chime sounded. Guessing Purcell had forgotten to relay some irrelevant, but pressing piece of ship's business, he gave a curt, "Enter," then turned to the contents of another crate.

Jack silently chided himself. Getting irritated over his duties was the wrong way to get back into the swing of things. He'd returned to the Chamberlain knowing his vessel, like all starships, was a jealous lady who he'd been away from for far too long. Much of the next several months of his life would be spent catching up on his obligations to her.

It took him several moments to become conscious of the quiet footsteps behind him. Finally, he turned, but instead of Celeste Purcell, a smiling half-Vulcan woman stood on the other side of his desk.

"Melissa?!"

Melissa Vargas smiled at the man she loved more than life itself. "Is that all the welcome I get?"

It only took Jack a few seconds to make his way around the desk and close the distance between them.

They kissed for nearly a minute.

Jack took a moment to breathe. "But I thought you weren't supposed to..."

"I decided to surprise you.," she said.

"Purcell was in on this, wasn't she?" Jack asked with a frown.

"She may be your Chief Staff Officer, but Celeste is still a woman and she knows what it's like to be in love."

Jack picked Melissa up in his arms. "I know a little about that myself," he said, carrying her toward the other end of the ready room.

Melissa laughed as he placed her gently on a couch. "Here?"

"Computer," Jack called out while he began unfastening Melissa's uniform jacket. "Seal my ready room. Authorization McCall, x-ray, Nebraska, two."

"I thought you had more unpacking to do."

Jack slid the jacket off her arms. "What's in this uniform is a whole lot more interesting than what's in those crates."

She tugged at the zipper of his jacket as their lips met again. "I'll have to take your word for that."

"Trust me," Jack whispered. "I know what I'm talking about."

Melissa pushed his now loose jacket off his shoulders as they embraced.

Jack lost himself in the softness of her skin, the smell of her hair, and the warmth of her breath. He'd missed her more than he'd admitted to himself.

Then, just as he started to pull Melissa's gold shirt off, the intercom chimed for his attention. "Damn."

"Your timing sure hasn't changed much," Melissa giggled.

"McCall here," Jack barked.

"Sorry to bother you, sir," Lak Negev's voice stated over the intercom. "The Director of Utopia Planitia sends word he needs to see you... immediately."

Jack closed his eyes as he leaned up from Melissa. "What is it this time?"

"He didn't specify. He insists you come down to Mars within the hour."

If the man didn't outrank him, Jack would have told that desk-jockey down on the surface what he could do with his insistence.

Jack stared at the beautiful woman still partly undressed on his couch. They hadn't seen each other for nearly a month and before that, Jack had lived away from her for five years. And now that his marriage to Mei-Wan wasn't hanging over their relationship any longer, he desperately wanted this time with Melissa.

She sat up and straightened her shirt. "You better go," she murmured.

Jack let out a long sigh. "Let his royal..." He stopped his reply to Negev before he uttered something he'd later regret. "Inform the admiral I'm on my way."

"Aye, sir." The intercom switched off.

Melissa picked up her jacket. "You okay?"

He stood and walked over to the large window near the couch. "This wasn't how I'd imagined our reunion going."

"It seemed to be going well up until Negev called. At least it was for me."

"Me too," he said with a nod. Jack peered out at the drydock structure cradling his vessel. "Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice coming back to all of this."

"What? Us?" She zipped up her jacket.

"No." He gave her a quick glance and a reassuring smile. "Starfleet, this ship."

"Why? I thought you loved commanding a starship."

"Parts of it I do, but jumping when some admiral snaps his fingers..."

She grinned as she strolled over next to him. "I suppose there weren't too many admirals to be found on a cattle ranch in the nineteenth century."

"None that I ever saw." Jack returned to gazing out the window. "Back there my life was my own. Limited only by what I could accomplish with these." He held up his hands.

Taking them in her own, Melissa grasped them as tightly as she could. "Your life here is your own."

"Is it?"

Melissa's eyes narrowed. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

He took a step back from her and put his own uniform back in order. "I need to go."

"Wait, you've still got some time," she said, grabbing him by the shoulder. "Don't walk away without telling me what's going on with you."

He exhaled. "What's going on is I'm due down on Mars in less than an hour."

"And at most it will take you twenty minutes to get down there, and another three to walk the distance to the admiral's office." Staring into his eyes, she took a step toward him. "There's more to this than an obnoxious admiral." She took his hand again. "You lived five years without me back in the old west. That's too much living to miss in the life of someone you love. Please, don't shut me out now."

Jack relented and sat back on the couch. "Right after you left to go visit your father, I went to meet with Hancock."

"And?"

"He told me I got my first assignment, my first command, and this ship because he and my father made it happen."

Melissa sat next to Jack on the couch. "Lots of people get help with their careers, that's not..."

"It wasn't just help. They put my name at the top of lists when I hadn't earned it, made sure I got promoted at the right times, cleaned up my messes before anyone found out about them." Jack sat silently. A part of him cursed himself for not having told Hancock where he could shove the career he and Jeremiah had so carefully conjured up for Jack. But he'd learned enough about himself over the past weeks and months to know he couldn't just walk away. He wanted to prove to Hancock, and more importantly to himself, he could do this on his own.

"Talk to me, Jack," she said softly.

He couldn't help but smile. He'd wondered how she might react to hearing about what a sham his career had been, but he could see all she cared about was how he was reacting to it.

"I spent five years in the nineteenth century as my own man, and I don't know if I can live the life created for me out of my father's desire to see his son follow in his footsteps."

"Look, the only reason I'm in Starfleet is because my dad is," Melissa said. "But I got here making my own choices, and I know from this point forward you'll do the same and make this life yours."

She lowered her head so her eyes could meet his. "But since you're here, I'd guess you've already made the decision to go your own way. So why all the doubts now?"

"Up to now I'd only thought of all of this in terms of myself and what I'd have to go through. I hadn't considered how it might affect you."

"I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"I've turned my back on some very powerful people, Melissa. They're the kind of people used to getting their way. Hitching your wagon to mine isn't likely to be a good thing for your career."

She paused a moment, then gave him a short nod. "A relationship isn't defined by how life goes when everything's good, but by how our love gets us through the bad times." She smiled. "I'm not going anywhere."

He returned her smile. "Neither am I."

She raised her left eyebrow. "Are you trying to scare me off with all of this talk?"

"No. I just wanted you to know what you were getting yourself into."

Melissa leaned toward Jack, their lips mere inches apart. "If I were told being in love with you would cost me my very soul, I'd still stay with you, Jack McCall."

Putting his arms around Melissa, he pulled her as close as he could. "I'll do my best to live up to that kind of love."

She joined his embrace, holding onto him as if her life depended on it. "Don't try to live up to anything. Just be yourself. That's all I've ever wanted."

"So wherever this leads..."

"I'm in it with you," she whispered.

They looked at each other for several seconds, their arms still encircled about each other.

Jack's eyes were fixed on hers. "I love you so much."

Melissa's reply was to kiss him, but it was shorter than he'd expected. "How about you go finish whatever business you've got down on Mars so we can do this reunion right."

Jack's heart raced as he imagined how they'd spend their evening. "My quarters in two hours?"

"Sounds perfect."

Jack rose and headed for the exit. Just before he made his way down the stairs, he caught a last glimpse of Melissa smiling. Whatever his future held for him, whatever his life became, Jack was certain of one thing: it would include the woman behind that delightfully alluring smile.

He was finally glad to be back to his life in the twenty-fourth century.

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Dark Horizon Story and Characters Copyright ©2005 Michael Gray

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