"Life of the Party"
written by
Michael Gray
Mei-Wan fell back onto the couch, unable to believe what she'd just heard.
Her sister, Li-Na, had sent a recorded message because real time communication was impossible between Kel-j'na and Earth. The image and voice continued on.
“... I tried to talk him out of it, but he was insistent. I believe he did not wish for me to even send this, hoping instead you would hear second or third hand.”
Mei-Wan gathered enough of her senses back to realize she'd missed too much. “Pause recording,” she said to the comm unit.
She tried to calm the torrent of conflicting emotions. Mei-Wan stared out the wide window in her apartment, the large orange sun at the horizon bathing the tall silver spires of the city in a last wash of light before the long night fell over them.
She turned back to the comm unit and the frozen image of her sister.
“Return to the beginning and play message.”
The image shifted. Her sister was now still, forcing a smile.
“Hello, Mei... I don't know how to begin this. I've...” Li-Na paused a moment. “Momma has died.”
Mei-Wan closed her eyes. A part of her wanted to scream, another part...
“Father is proceeding with her funeral without contacting you which is why I am sending this. The service will take place in three days, but based on what the communication system tells me, it will be two days more by the time you receive this message.”
Two days ago... plus three... five days ago... she died.
“I tried to talk him out of it, but he was insistent. I believe he did not wish for me to even send this, hoping instead you would hear second or third hand,” Li-Na said. “He refuses to even speak about you. When I suggested giving you a chance to attend, he told me you would not be allowed even if you were on Earth.”
“Of course,” Mei-Wan whispered. “The rebellious daughter cannot be present. She no longer exists.”
Li-Na continued. “He told me not to bring you up again or I would be barred from the service as well.”
Mei-Wan fought back tears. “Pause message,” she told the comm unit.
“Momma...”
***
Mei-Wan walked into the large auditorium, hoping the lecture would give her a chance for an hour or two away from the torment of her mother's death. For six days she had sat in her apartment, staring at the wall, crying, raging, and worst of all, feeling nothing.
The speaker was an exobiologist, and beyond the need for a distraction, this was part of her search for someone skilled in that field to join her main team at the Kel-j'na Archaeological Institute. She'd interviewed a half dozen of the best and brightest in the Federation, but none of them had the two things she needed most--- someone with critical thinking skills, and the courage to challenge her conclusions.
While she very much appreciated the loyalty from the members of her team, they were too quick to accept her views. In cases where the direction the evidence led was clear, that was okay. But Mei-Wan knew there would be points where they needed a non-believer, or at least someone who had doubts. She was a victim of her own good work. Too many scientists had accepted her findings as the final word on the Ancient Progenitors.
She'd not heard of Nicolas Robinson before seeing the announcement for the lecture. That meant he was out of the mainstream of Federation scientists, and hopefully it also meant he was a man who made up his own mind.
Mei-Wan pulled a PADD out of her bag, activating it. She checked the list of messages.
Nothing.
She knew he would have only received it two days ago, and the chances of a reply were close to impossible, but Mei-Wan was hoping to hear something back from her father.
Momma is gone, she thought. He can be who he wants to be now.
But what frightened her was the possibility that this was exactly who he was--- a nasty son of a bitch who didn't give a damn about his daughter.
No...
There had to be something, some way to get him to be the father Mei-Wan remembered--- the warm, giving, encouraging man who had taught her so much.
She found a seat at the end of a row and settled into it. Forcing the despair about her father out of her mind, she had the PADD display Robinson's bio again.
He'd been part of a survey team which had cataloged the lifeforms on Pelnar Four, developing a definitive taxonomy for all species on the planet both past and present.
“Impressive,” Mei-Wan murmured. She shut off the PADD. “I just hope he's up to something as cutting edge as the Ancient Progenitors.” She shrugged her shoulders and slid down into her seat. “And hopefully his talk isn't a complete bore.”
A few seconds later, Nicolas Robinson, tall, dark-skinned, and full of confidence, bounded onto the stage, filling the small auditorium with a roar of triumph. The audience rewarded him with a round of enthusiastic applause.
“That's different,” Mei-Wan murmured with a smile.
“Let's talk about Species Variety and the History of the Galaxy!” Robinson shouted out to the crowd.
More applause and even someone yelling, “Yeah!”
What is it that causes someone to do that? she thought, shaking her head. There's always one person like that no matter where you go, no matter the size of the crowd.
“Get to the science,” Mei-Wan muttered.
The older woman next to her frowned at Mei-Wan.
A holographic image of the Milky Way Galaxy appeared, floating next to Robinson on the stage.
“I want to tell you a story,” Robinson began with a smile. “A story about a Galaxy where molecules came together on thousands upon thousands of worlds to form what we call life. Tonight, I'd like to talk about what it developed into, and why it matters.”
Over the next forty-five minutes, Mei-Wan sat enthralled along with the rest of the audience as Robinson presented a quick history of life in the galaxy. For her it was all a bit rudimentary given her background, but she had to admit he was a talented speaker who knew how to take his audience on a fun ride.
However, in this particular story, Mei-Wan felt there was one important detail he'd left out. When the question and answer session began, she made sure she got the first shot at him.
“How do the actions of the Ancient Progenitors figure into your conception of the dispersal of humanoids throughout the Galaxy?” she asked.
His first mistake was to roll his eyes at her question.
It got worse from there.
“I have chosen to ignore Richard Galen's last, desperate attempt to write his way into the history books.”
“Have you seen the archaeological evidence?” Mei-Wan asked.
“Have you seen the DNA evidence contradicting Galen's ideas?” Robinson retorted. “And the papers written by his devotee, Mei-Wan Lau?”
She smiled. “I wrote those papers.”
Chuckles washed across the crowd in the auditorium.
But that didn't deter Robinson. It fueled him.
“So... the perpetrator herself.” He walked to the edge of the stage. “Did you ever think to read through the extensive literature on humanoid DNA? We real scientists have been at work on that for several centuries.”
“Have you watched the Galen message?” Mei-Wan asked with a turn of her head.
“That message only proves someone had tampered with the genetic code, not that they seeded the Galaxy.” He smiled. “That could have easily been accomplished by a virus or other nano-constructor. Or hadn't you thought of that?”
“On many occasions,” she said. “But the installation on Hel'yra was over four billion years old.”
“Says the person who had very good reasons to take her first tests at face value.”
“Are you accusing me of twisting the data?” Now Mei-Wan was getting mad.
“No... I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. But you did subscribe to this Ancient Progenitor idea before you arrived on Hel'yra, didn't you?”
“Yes.”
“I assume you're familiar with the well known phenomena of confirmation bias.”
She was ready to explode. “I wasn't the only one to run tests.”
“Unfortunately, given the planet's destruction, no one can confirm those results.”
She smiled. “You are free to look over my data whenever you'd like, Doctor Robinson.”
“I wouldn't want to waste both our time,” he said.
“Chicken shit.”
The crowd howled at that.
“Excuse me?!” he bellowed, turning back around to face her, seeming as if he were mere moments from bounding off the stage at her.
“You accuse me of confirmation bias,” Mei-Wan said. “But you're letting your preconceptions determine what data you'll even look at.”
The crowd focused on Robinson who stood silent on the stage for almost a minute.
Then finally...
“Five, tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “I'll come by your office.”
“I'll have my files ready for you.”
Robinson proved more of a distraction from Mei-Wan's family woes than she'd suspected.
The next day when he came to her office at the Archaeological Institute they argued for the first two hours. They continued the debate all the way to a nearby bar. Then they got drunk over three hours of fierce arguing.
They spent the next two hours in her bed.
The day after, Mei-Wan told herself it was just a transfer of the passion from their arguments to the sexual attraction they felt. At least that was true for her. While they didn't agree on many things, they were like minded in their tenacity to get to the truth.
She'd wanted to fall in love with him, and thought she was well on her way until three weeks into their relationship. They began the evening discussing past loves over a bottle of wine.
Mei-Wan couldn't pin it down to any one thing either of them had said, but it felt like something fragile broke that evening. Once the bottle of wine was finished, he left. She didn't see him again until a week afterward. They were friendly with each other, but they didn't end up in bed that night. They only saw each other occasionally after that.
A month later, he answered Mei-Wan's formal request to join her team as exobiologist.
***
Four months later...
In front of Mei-Wan rested a plate of steamy pasta, a glass of red wine, and hot bread.
She stared at the perfect setting for a perfect meal. A quick glance to the other side of the table revealed the only imperfection. There was no place setting, no glass, just the bare table. This was a meal for one.
“God... ,” she murmured, reaching for the napkin, unfolding it and placing it carefully on her lap. “Jack...”
She could almost imagine him there, his grin and narrowed eyes peering at her, waiting to share some joke or humorous bit of his day, but it would quickly turn to Jack telling her how much he loved...
Mei-Wan felt like crying.
Only the sound of a passing shuttle outside her window disturbed the graveyard silence.
Mei-Wan closed her eyes. “I'll find someone, the right man, when the time is right... when I'm ready.”
She knew it was a lie. After having spent the last three months in counseling, Mei-Wan had learned a truth about herself, and thus the need for the constant lie about it just being a matter of time, waiting for the right man... the perfect man.
She couldn't see any man as perfect. That ability others had to suspend critical thinking about the one they loved never engaged in her brain. Every flaw, every shortcoming, every nuance which took away from perfection was front and center in her mind, pounding away at her that this wasn't the right man for her.
Mei-Wan had tried to put the blame for this on her perfectionist mother, and the hyper-awareness she'd had to develop as a toddler to avoid the wrath of her mother's moods. But it wasn't her mother controlling Mei-Wan's brain, forbidding love to do the magic so necessary for happiness in a relationship.
Doctor Hale had shown her the neural scans. Mei-Wan's critical thinking skills reacted to someone she loved in the same way they did to an archaeological dilemma she wrestled with--- examining every detail with a skeptical attitude, seeing the downside to every argument.
There had been a few months of her life with Jack where she'd truly adored him, when she'd seen him as she wished him to be rather than as he was. All of that evaporated as soon as they returned to routine life, life aboard the Chamberlain.
Doctor Hale had suggested Mei-Wan hadn't ever truly been in love, that she suffered from a form of paranoia, an expectation of betrayal, which prevented her from really loving anyone. Mei-Wan had stormed out of the office and not returned for two weeks after that.
Mei-Wan had to admit she never did feel secure in her marriage to Jack, believing he'd eventually move on to someone else.
And of course that prophesy fulfilled itself.
The comm panel in the living room chimed.
Mei-Wan walked from the kitchen to the living room of her apartment. Through the large picture window the setting sun cast the last of the day's light over the Kel-j'na horizon.
She stopped in front of the comm. “Answer,” she spoke to the computer.
The cheery face of twenty-four year old Harold Pabodie filled the screen. “Hey, Boss.”
“What's up, Hal?”
“Just got a report concerning the starship Carson. Seems they ran across a planet with ruins from a humanoid civilization dating back at least a million years,” Hal said, barely able to contain his excitement.
“And I guess you think we ought to check it out?” Mei-Wan replied with a grin.
“You said we needed to keep an eye out for any humanoid civilizations older than a hundred thousand years.” He smiled. “So, should I get things moving?”
“What's the state of technology at the site?”
“Industrialized or higher.”
“Or?” she asked with a frown.
“The report says they had to leave before they did a full survey. No mention of why.”
“Location?”
“Only thirty-seven light years from here.”
Mei-Wan had to relent. Even if it turned out to have no connection to the Ancient Progenitors, a humanoid civilization from a million years ago was certainly worth checking out.
But something else bothered her. This was the first time Hal had magically come across a piece of information which fit nicely into their work.
“Where did this come from?” Mei-Wan asked.
“Like I said, the starship Carson.”
Mei-Wan pressed on. “No, where did you get it from?”
“Does it matter?”
Something was up. “I don't like being used, Hal.”
“It's nothing like that,” he said, breaking eye contact with her over the comm. “I've got a friend who's got a friend, who handles reports from starships. I asked him to keep an eye out for anything with an archaeological bent.”
“And you didn't think that perhaps this friend of a friend might have an agenda?”
“No,” Hal said with a laugh. “Just doing me a favor.”
“Favors like this usually have a cost.”
Hal shook his head. “Not in this case. Trust me on this, Boss.”
Mei-Wan thought, They trust me, so I guess I need to start trusting them.
“I'm going to need a little more information before I take one of these reports at face value in the future,” she told him.
“I'll see how much my friend is willing to disclose,” Hal said.
That would have to do for now.
“Okay, notify everyone, and set a meeting for ten in the morning,” Mei-Wan said. “We'll plan on leaving in five days.”
Hal's smile widened. “I'm on it.”
The display went blank.
“And I'm on my dinner,” Mei-Wan said, returning to the kitchen. At least now she had something to occupy her mind other than her wreck of a personal life.
***
“So is this little trip a real expedition, or just an excuse for you and me to be alone on a far away planet?”
Mei-Wan looked up from the display on her desk and smiled. “You caught me, Nick.”
Nicolas Robinson grinned, leaning on the edge of the desk. “I knew you couldn't resist.”
“I guess I'm too easy to read.” Mei-Wan let that dangle in the air between them which got narrower as she leaned toward him. “I need to make sure you can hack it on a real expedition.”
He frowned. “My abilities should be well known to you by now.”
“There was that problem with endurance the first time.”
He leaned up to stand erect. “I'd had a lot to drink if you remember.”
“And so did I, but you didn't see me passing out mid-way,” she said with a wide smile.
He shook his head. “Need I go through a long explanation of alcohol upon human male sexual response?”
“No, your personal demonstration was quite adequate... or not.”
He snorted. “I think you found out exactly how adequate I was the next time.”
She nodded and leaned back in her chair. “That I did.”
He smiled. “So what's this about?”
“Ruins from a humanoid civilization at least a million years old.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Sounds more than interesting.”
“I'd hoped you'd see it that way,” Mei-Wan said.
“Well, you have always managed to keep my interest.”
“I've sent you all the files we have along with a report from the ship that discovered it.”
“Great.” He started to turn, but stopped halfway into his pivot. “You want to catch dinner tonight?”
“Maybe.”
“And?”
“We've talked about this, Nick,” she said with a sad look. “It won't work.”
“I wasn't talking about a relationship, just sex.”
“Sorry.”
He grinned. “You do know I'll keep checking from time to time.”
“I'd be surprised if you didn't, Doctor.”
Mei-Wan watched his tight posterior as he strutted out of her office.
“You're still watching my ass, aren't you?” he asked as he went.
“No,” she said. Mei-Wan hated how he was always able to tell.
“Yeah, you are.”
“Arrogant bastard,” Mei-Wan grumbled softly.
“I heard that,” he called out from the outer office area.
Mei-Wan laughed.
***
Three days later, Mei-Wan looked over the last crates to go onto their ship, Athena. She'd worked hard to get a robust ship, capable of a wide variety of missions, and fortunately, the Archaeological Council had agreed. Three times the size of a standard Starfleet runabout, it was just what she'd had in mind when she'd sent the request.
“I'm looking forward to giving this thing a real workout,” Hal said, walking up behind Mei-Wan as she stood in the large hanger facility at the Kel-j'na Spaceport.
“Excuse me?” she asked, not sure what he was referring to.
“Athena,” he said. “The little hops we've done up to now were too short to really open her up.”
“It's in operating order, isn't it?”
“Of course,” he said, helping Mei-Wan carry the crates into the ship. “She'll keep us safe.”
“I certainly hope so,” Mei-Wan said.
“Hey, Boss...”
Mei-Wan rolled her eyes. “Something else?”
“I'm putting together a party at my place tonight,” Hal said. “The rest of the team will be there as well as other people I know.”
“I hope you haven't been telling people about our mission.”
“Of course not,” Hal said, visibly hurt by the accusation. “All I did was tell people I was going to take the Athena out for an extended test run. I figured a cover story wouldn't hurt anything.”
Mei-Wan smiled. “Actually, that's a good idea.”
Hal grinned. “So you think you can come to the party?”
“What time?”
“Around seven.”
Mei-Wan thought a moment. It wouldn't be good if she were the only one from their team who didn't show. “Sure.”
“Great.”
***
A small jewel hung from a rounded wire in the shape of a human ear.
“This isn't a Jewel of Sound is it? Those things are damn dangerous.”
“No. The same basic idea, but much reduced in effect. And these you don't ingest.” Hal hung the wire around her ear. “You just keep it there for about ten minutes. It will make you feel very relaxed.”
“It isn't habit forming is it?” Mei-Wan asked, still unsure.
“No. It doesn't set up a physical dependency, and the psychological properties are mild.”
Mei-Wan looked about Hal's apartment, now full of people from wall to wall. She leaned close to his ear. “Is this legal?”
“Technically...”
“You sure this is a good idea? I really don't need...”
“Live a little,” he said with a grin. “You're too uptight most of the time.”
Mei-Wan watched Hal return to the side of his boyfriend, Eric, leaving her to experience the jewel by herself in the corner of his living room she'd been hiding in.
“Oh...” Mei-Wan felt the middle of her torso tingle. “That does feel nice.”
She found herself begin to sway to the loud music with its heavy syncopated bass beat which several minutes earlier she'd thought was an insult to real music.
“That's actually very nice,” she whispered as the feeling began to spread through the rest of her body.
“There you are.”
Mei-Wan looked up and smiled wide. “Hey, Nick!” She threw her arms around him, quickly kissing him.
“Hello to you too,” Nick said, frowning. “You okay?”
“Never better,” Mei-Wan said. She pointed to the jewel hanging from her ear.
“What's that?”
“I think it's some sort of nerve induction... thing or something.” Mei-Wan felt her balance going.
Nick leaned close to the sparkling thing. “Nerve induction?”
“Hal said it was based on the same idea as a Jewel of Sound.”
Nick shook his head. “And you put the damn thing on?”
“Technically Hal put it on me,” she said, swaying more to the music.
“Maybe you should take it off and let me have it analyzed first,” Nick said.
Mei-Wan smiled wide. “I doubt Hal is out to harm me.”
“No, but Hal can be reckless,” Nick said, barely over the noise of the party. “He's only twenty-four.”
She turned to Nick and frowned. “I wasn't reckless at twenty-four. Or at fifteen.” She was irritated despite how good she felt. “I've spent too much of my life playing it safe.”
“This is a hell of a way to make a change,” Nick said. He slipped the metal the jewel hung from off her ear.
“Hey!”
“Did he tell you where he got this?” Nick asked as he examined the jewel.
“No,” Mei-Wan said. “I'd like it back.”
“I'll give it back after I've had it checked out.”
“I'm not a child, Nick!”
“Then stop acting like one!”
“Go to hell.”
Mei-Wan stomped off toward the kitchen to get something to drink. Though she wondered if Nick would then come to police her alcohol consumption.
But after ten minutes and downing three drinks, she didn't see him.
Mei-Wan tried to mingle with some of the others at the party, but her mind kept going back to Nick. She was at the same time furious at him and... craving him.
More proof he's wrong for me, she thought. But she couldn't get his eyes out of her thoughts.
It's the eyes... those deep brown...
“Doctor Lau?” asked a lyrical sounding voice which was far too hypnotic given Mei-Wan's current mental state.
Mei-Wan turned to see Gahdani, an Undinan, and her team's linguist. The woman, at least she had the outer appearance of a humanoid female, glowed as the low light of the room refracted through her translucent blue skin.
“Hello,” Mei-Wan said, glad for the interruption in her train of thought.
“I wanted to say,” Gahdani began. “I'm very much looking forward to this mission we're going on.”
“Me too,” Mei-Wan said, taking a sip from her glass. She noticed Gahdani didn't have a drink.
“No thank you,” Gahdani said.
“What?”
“You asked if I needed something to drink.”
Mei-Wan frowned. “I did?”
Gahdani nodded, her matte white eyes giving no sense of her emotional state.
Mei-Wan reached for her ear where the jewel had been hanging several minutes earlier. “That thing must have had more of an effect on me than I thought.”
Gahdani tilted her head. “Interesting.”
“Hey,” said Susan Tanega who walked up to them.
Mei-Wan smiled. “Hi.”
Gahdani looked at Mei-Wan's ear. “Weren't you wearing something earlier?”
“Something Hal gave me,” Mei-Wan said.
Susan frowned. “That was your first mistake.”
Mei-Wan had known Susan for more than ten years. They'd attended Starfleet Academy together. Bluntness between them wasn't unusual.
“Okay, what's up?” Mei-Wan asked.
“Hal has a way of getting his hands on very... esoteric items.”
“Is it contraband?” Mei-Wan asked. She was a bit worried, but the soothing feelings she still experienced were crowding out her concerns.
“I doubt it's well known enough to be contraband,” Susan replied. “It was pretty.”
“Yeah,” Mei-Wan said.
“What did it feel like?” Susan asked.
“Like...” Mei-Wan smiled. “Like spending a sunny day at the beach.”
“I wonder how you'll feel in another six hours.”
Gahdani looked to Mei-Wan. “Was it a nerve induction device?”
“Something like that,” Mei-Wan said.
“Humans can be very strange at times,” Gahdani said. “If you'll excuse me.”
Gahdani left Mei-Wan and Susan alone.
“Did I say something to offend her?” Mei-Wan asked.
“No,” Susan said with a grin. “She's genuinely confused by humans.”
“How has she been doing with translating the texts from the Ravenscroft?”
“Excellent,” Susan replied. “She even found a couple of errors in our work.”
“Nice.”
“But I don't think she's got a high opinion of the Ancient Progenitors.”
“Really?” Mei-Wan asked. “What did she say?”
“Nothing specific, just a sense I got from her as she worked.”
Mei-Wan nodded. “You get a chance to go over the Carson's sensor logs?”
Susan smiled. “Yes. And there's definitely something very old under the industrial ruins on that world we're going to.”
“You're sure?”
“Yes,” Susan replied, lowering her voice. “You think we'll find the data core you're looking for?”
“Did the layout match the design I gave you?”
“Roughly.”
Mei-Wan frowned. “Not exactly?”
“No, but I'd been surprised if that were the case.”
“Hmmm...” Mei-Wan stared into the bottom of her nearly empty glass.
“What?”
“We need to find a data core with the Ancient Progenitor tactical and strategic plans,” Mei-Wan said.
“There's no way to be sure before we get there.”
“I know,” Mei-Wan said, closing her eyes.
“You still worried about those bastards from Temporal Investigations?”
“I have to find it before they discover what I'm looking for,” Mei-Wan said. “It's the only way I can get this done and protect Li-Na and Robin.”
Susan nodded. “They will expect you to go looking for archaeological sites, won't they?”
“Yes, but if they think I'm specifically looking for what they kept from me on Earth, they'll use threats to stop me.”
“Then we'll have to stay one step ahead of them,” Susan said, putting her arm around her friend's shoulders. “We'll pull it off, Mei.”
Mei-Wan caught Nick in her peripheral vision, moving toward the front of the living room. She watched him stop to talk to Hal and Eric. They exchanged a laugh, then Nick headed for the door.
Obviously he didn't chew Hal out for giving me the jewel.
“I need to go,” Mei-Wan said.
“Careful with him, Mei.”
“You think he's trouble?”
“What man isn't?”
Mei-Wan finished her drink and headed for the door.
***
Mei-Wan rode the sky tram back to the center of the city. A mist of rain slid down the angled windows. She watched the droplets distort the light from nearby buildings, wondering why it all made her so happy.
She looked forward. Nick was in the next car.
Mei-Wan finally got up and moved cautiously, trying to avoid facing him when he looked her direction. She made it to the doors and walked in. She stood ten feet away, content to wait.
“What's up with you, girl?”
She spun around and smiled. “Hello... Nick.”
“Hello, Nick? That's all I'm going to get?”
“What else do you want?” she said, leaning over enough just so the beginning of her cleavage might be visible to him past the fabric of her little black dress.
But Nick set his eyes focused on hers.
“The truth.”
Mei-Wan frowned and sat in the seat across the aisle from him.
“I'm not good at truth.”
“The hell you aren't,” he said with a grunt. “I've seen you tear into someone who doesn't have their shit in order, questioning each point of their evidence and their assumptions. You're one of the best scientists I know.”
She smiled wide, turning to him. “Well... that's a...”
“Don't get used to it,” he said with a grin.
“Still...”
“I couldn't demand truth from you without giving some myself,” he said with a shrug at the end.
“Okay... exactly what kind of truth are you seeking?”
He turned to her. “I'm a member of this team of yours, and before I commit myself completely to this... thing...”
“You haven't already?” she asked.
“I figured we both were treating this as a break-in period.”
The tram slowed.
“This is your stop, isn't it?” he asked.
Mei-Wan didn't get up from her seat, nor did she turn her gaze from him as the tram started up again.
“I want to know what's going on with you,” Nick said.
“I'm the director of the Archaeological Institute. I've set out our...”
“Not the Institute. You.”
“I don't know what you mean,” Mei-Wan said.
Nick frowned. “Then start offering stuff up and I'll tell you when you get to the right thing.”
“I don't know that I have to explain all that...”
“I think I've earned it,” he said.
“I...” Mei-Wan looked down. The fear welled up in her. Hide, it said. Offer him a morsel, but nothing of substance. But something deep within her wanted to tell him everything.
She looked over at him. “I'm unhappy”
“That's obvious,” he said with a snort.
“Thanks.”
They sat silently as the tram got up to full speed again.
“I don't know what else to tell you,” Mei-Wan said. She turned from him and stared out the window.
“Is that why you wanted that jewel on your ear?” he asked.
“What?”
“Because you're unhappy?”
She only shrugged her shoulders.
After nearly a minute, Nick said, “For someone who usually has so much to say, you're incredibly quiet.”
“I guess I'm not really in the mood to talk right now.”
“What are you in the mood for?” he asked.
Mei-Wan turned to him with a grin.
The tram came to a stop. Mei-Wan walked over to him, extending her hand. “How about we go to your place?”
He took her hand.
They stepped off the tram together, still holding hands.
Nick brought them both to a stop and turned to her. “Mei... are you sure about this?”
“I just want to feel for one night that someone gives a damn.”
“That's the problem,” Nick said. “I do give a damn.”
***
Mei-Wan listened to rain splatter against the windows of Nick's bedroom. The wash of droplets sliding down the panes cast distorted shadows from the multicolored city lights, falling across the lengths of their bare bodies, giving Nick and herself the appearance of ethereal beings covered in magical, ever changing, light.
She turned her head to see he had done the same. They both stared at each other.
“Why is it that when I'm with you, I feel as if I can shed the thin veneer of civilization and let my deepest desires escape the dreamland I've stuffed them into?”
He frowned. “Why would you jail your deepest desires?”
Mei-Wan grinned, knowing those desires had risen to peer through the bars of their cage. “Because I can't be civilized if I don't.”
“That's a terrible thing to believe about yourself,” Nick said, rolling over toward her.
Mei-Wan stared at the ceiling. “All my life, I've been the good girl, the responsible person I was expected to be, all the time knowing a part of me deep inside wanted out, wanted to...”
“The society we've built doesn't place restrictions on us like past human cultures did.”
“We tell ourselves how much we've advanced, how much better we are than those who lived in centuries past,” she said. “There's so much pressure to conform to that ideal.”
“You're one of the most civilized and principled people I know,” Nick said, gently running his hand over her bare torso.
“When I was married to Jack, I...” She hesitated a moment, not sure she wanted to reveal this. But she saw Nick's brown eyes, and felt she could trust him. “I almost cheated on him with a man I'd wanted for years,” Mei-Wan said in a soft voice. “If I had, all sorts of judgments would have fallen on me... unfaithful, slut, whore... even the word 'cheat' implies something wrong.”
“Civilization does require us to act according to some norms,” Nick said. “There's always a giving up of something, a price paid to enjoy the benefits of the collective...” He shook his head.
“Collective?” Mei-Wan asked with a grin. “Yes, that does carry a different meaning for us than it did for humans in the past, doesn't it?”
“The benefits of civilization allow us to reach heights which lone humans could never achieve on their own,” he said, ignoring her reference to the Borg. “That's how our primate ancestors left their hunter gatherer lives for city-states, then nations, and now worlds.”
“And all I have to do is sacrifice my desires to be a part of that, right?”
“Some wants, maybe, but what needs have you sacrificed? Our civilization makes sure our needs are met.”
“At the time, I felt I needed Kyle Hoffman,” Mei-Wan said, a frown quickly covering her face.
“Do you regret not sleeping with him?”
“Not after I found out what kind of a man he was,” she said. “If I had put myself through all the hell which would have been sure to follow for that narcissist...”
Nick chuckled.
“What?” Mei-Wan asked, now turning on her side to face him.
“You criticize Hoffman for being a narcissist, but what have you been arguing for the last several minutes?”
“I'm not at all like...” Mei-Wan closed her eyes. “Why do I feel like I'm dying a little bit more every day? I'm afraid that at the end of my life, all I'm going to be is a collection of regrets about things I didn't do.”
“Would you prefer regrets about things you did do?” Nick asked, his eyes narrowing.
“I... I think I would.”
He put his hand on her shoulder. “And what about us?”
“Us?”
“You keep saying we could never work, but here we are, in bed again. You keep me close, making me a part of your prime team at the institute, we play a verbal game every day, and even have sex on occasion, but a committed relationship, no.”
Mei-Wan took a long breath. “After how my marriage ended, can you blame me?”
“That's a distraction, and we both know it,” Nick said, his face becoming stern. “How about the truth for once?”
“I don't know what...”
“Are you really hiding that much from yourself?”
Mei-Wan nodded. “Maybe I am.”
“I love you, Mei.”
“Nick... oh, god, please don't say...”
“I do,” he said firmly. “I don't want to be some ghost in your life--- a presence without any real substance.” He leaned over and kissed her. “But I need to know what you want.”
“My relationship with Jack almost got in the way of my work. I promised myself I'd never let that happen again.”
“How could us being in a relationship get in the way? We're working on the same thing.”
Mei-Wan put her arm around him. “You question everything I propose about the Ancient Progenitors. I need someone like that. But I don't know if I can come home to it every night.”
“You did tonight,” Nick said, frowning.
“No, I came here to have sex with you. If this was our home, it would be completely different.”
Nick fell back onto the bed and let out a long sigh. “I just don't get all of this. You've made a lot of discoveries about these beings you call the Ancient Progenitors. What more do you need to do?”
“Says the man who doesn't buy most of what I've discovered.”
Nick grinned.
“It's not enough that I've discovered bare facts about them,” Mei-Wan said. “I'm convinced they were the aggressors in the war they fought billions of years ago.”
“Okay,” Nick said. “So?”
“This cult growing about them frightens me. What if it resumes that old war?”
“That Forcas guy?” Nick asked with a dismissive grunt. “He's a religious fanatic. He'll fade away in six months like they all do.”
“I don't think so,” Mei-Wan said. “He knows far more about the Ancient Progenitors than he should, but they're little things, tiny bits of information. And the way people treat him as such an authority... I haven't figured it out yet, but he's far more dangerous than he seems.”
“And you think it's your job to stop him?”
“If I can find conclusive proof the Ancient Progenitors were the genocidal maniacs I suspect they were, Forcas will indeed fade away,” Mei-Wan said.
“Why does it matter to you? So some people believe a comfortable fantasy about their origins, so what?”
“The history of such comfortable fantasies is they don't remain only that. Once they take hold, they transform a society into a restrictive cage with rules which exist only to support the fantasy and those who use it to wield power.”
Nick smiled. “So... you're worried your desires will be put in a cage of someone else's making rather than your own.”
“This isn't about...”
“Yes it is, Mei.” Nick sat up in the bed. “Being a collection of regrets about the things you didn't do isn't the worst possible future you could have,” Nick said. He walked off toward the bathroom. “Think about the road you're going down before it's too late to turn onto another one.”
“I want to be free!” she cried out on the bed. “Free of the expectations of others, free of obligations I never agreed to! Free of the stranglehold of ancestors I never knew and don't give a damn about!”
Nick peered around the bathroom door. “Mei, the Ancient Progenitors are long gone. Let it go. It's up to us to make the world we live in.”
“But they're not gone. They're reaching out from the grave to manipulate us to their own ends.”
Nick shook his head. “Are we talking about the Ancient Progenitors or your mother?”
“What?!”
“Because it sounds to me like you can't tell the difference between her and them.”
Mei-Wan found her dress and slid into it as quickly as she could.
“It's not my mother,” she finished putting her dress on with almost enough force to tear the fabric. “Every man in my damn life...” She turned to face Nick. “Kyle Hoffman, Jack, and then when I needed him the most, my father... my goddamn father...”
“Mei, I'm sorry,” Nick pleaded.
“They all betrayed me. Each of them in their own way for their own reasons.”
Nick looked away. “I am so sorry.”
“My dad, he could have stood up to her. But now that's she's dead, he won't speak to me, won't even acknowledge my existence. You know what the last words he spoke to me were? 'I have no daughter'.” She fought back the tears with the anger building inside. “And then finally, 'get out of my sight'.”
“And you think I'm going to betray you too?”
Mei-Wan's anger twisted face softened a moment. “I don't know... I'd like to think...”
“I won't.”
“Don't make any promises you can't keep,” Mei-Wan said, walking up to him.
Nick nodded. “I love you. For now I can promise that.”
Mei-Wan smiled a moment. “I need someone in my life I can depend on. Someone who sides with me when the rest of the universe says I'm wrong.”
“That's a lot to ask of anyone.”
“Is it?” She looked at him, her harsh frown softening. “It's not my mother, it's not anything else. I have to find the truth about the Ancient Progenitors.”
“After all this time, why does it matter?” he asked, pulling a towel from a nearby rack.
“The same reason it mattered to Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and Einstein, and Hawking, and Baltran-Naff, and....” Mei-Wan remembered a moment from her first day at Starfleet Academy. “Because the truth matters. Someone's evidence-free beliefs shouldn't be what drives history or controls our lives.”
He waited a moment. “And you don't have any evidence-free beliefs?”
“Well of course not... I...”
“Don't be so quick to answer.”
She looked away. “If I do, I'm not forcing them on anyone else.”
“Aren't you planning on forcing this 'truth' about the Ancient Progenitors on the people of the Galaxy?”
She spun about, turning from him.
“A little humility would do you some good, Mei. Maybe you'd see you're not as different from everyone else as you pretend. Then maybe you'd take the time to understand what they get out of those beliefs.”
Mei-Wan walked out of the bedroom. “See you at the landing bay. Don't be late.”
***
Mei-Wan made her way back to the tram station, her shoes clacking on the wet pavement. The sun had just come up over the horizon, bathing the city in its warmth. But the light mist filling the air sent chills running down her legs.
“That was so stupid,” she murmured. “That's the last time I sleep with him.”
But she knew it probably wouldn't be unless she met someone else. In a part of herself she didn't want to look at, Mei-Wan loved Nick. And it frightened her.
She shook her head as she stepped onto the tram platform, waiting for the cars to arrive.
No. I've got too much to do. I can't live my life until after this work is done.
Mei-Wan laughed a sad chuckle.
“They're still controlling me,” she whispered to herself. “All of them.”
Mei-Wan heard the hum of the tram cars approach, and turned to watch them sail into the platform.
“Are you happy now, Mother?”
* * *
Dark Horizon Story and Characters Copyright ©2015 Michael Gray
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