I fought with this short story for the better part of a year. Looking back, I'm not sure exactly where the logjam was, but I know where the solution came from. Back in June, Banshee Squadron writer Rich Merk posted a message on the TrekCreative Yahoo group, submitting a challenge to everyone to start a story with the dialogue "I have a confession to make. I am a fool."

At first I thought, what can you do with that? But a day or so later, I found out. That short piece of dialogue not only got this story out of the ditch it had been in, but set up the themes which eventually emerged.

Thank you, Rich!

"The Road Not Taken"

written by

Michael Gray

"I have a confession to make. I am a fool."

Mei-Wan peered at Timothy Blackwell over the candle flame dancing between them, wondering what had brought on this change in his mood. "You're anything but a fool."

"Six years ago I saw you on Elyon Four." He paused to look down at the table. "In the marketplace."

Mei-Wan smiled at the memory. "You were there?"

He nodded, his face regaining its former life in response to her enthusiasm. "I was sitting in the little outdoor cafe across from the restaurant where you and your friends were having such a good time."

She leaned forward, hoping to draw him out. "Why didn't you join us?"

"That's why I'm a fool." He took such a long drink of the silver liquid in his glass that he gave Mei-Wan the impression he was trying to drown himself in it. "I realize the possibilities I missed out on because of that choice."

Mei-Wan considered that a moment. "It's funny how simple decisions seem so important after the passage of a few years."

"I've often wondered what our lives might have been like if I had come over and said hello."

Mei-Wan had considered Timothy a friend, and a good scientist, but had never known how kind or attentive he could be as he had demonstrated through the evening. She figured there had been plenty of occasions for her to notice, but her mind had been elsewhere then.

However, it had been his openness which had surprised her the most the last few hours.

She was pleased to find in him the kind of honesty most men rarely shared at any point in a relationship, let alone on a first date.

It also didn't hurt that he was a handsome man.

Blackwell had the mature look most men seemed to gain as they moved through their thirties. However, his sandy blond hair still allowed him to pass for a man five years younger than he was. With the maturity, it made for a combination Mei-Wan found incredibly attractive.

"I've always regretted that mistake," Timothy said.

Mei-Wan looked down at her own glass, now empty. "Believe me, I understand," she murmured. "I've got a universe full of regrets."

"Your marriage?" he asked.

"Among other things."

He seemed to hesitate a moment. "You and Hoffman?"

Mei-Wan rolled her eyes. "If you mean the stories he's been spreading about him and I..."

Timothy grinned. "I take it that's all they are is stories?"

"Try delusions."

"I was hoping that was the case. I just couldn't see how you and a weasel like Kyle could have anything in common."

"There was a time when I thought we did, but I was too young and stupid to see him for who he was."

Timothy's gaze left Mei-Wan for the first time that evening to focus on something behind her. "Speak of the..."

"He's here?" she asked, cringing.

"Just walked in."

Mei-Wan didn't turn around. She had no interest in ruining the great evening she and Timothy had enjoyed. While she had liked his choice of places to have dinner, being in the same room with Kyle Hoffman quickly changed her opinion about this place.

But it had been perfect earlier. The lounge was probably one of the largest she'd seen on the Chamberlain, though she'd rarely gone wandering through those in the secondary hull of the vast ship. However, the candlelit tables, and the soft jazz music playing in this room made it seem far smaller that it was, but she suspected that might have been illusion too. She'd been so focused on Timothy to notice much else since they'd sat down at their table.

"How about we go somewhere?"

Mei-Wan smiled more to hide the nervousness she felt than anything else. She wasn't sure what he had planned. The thought of going somewhere else produced both caution and excitement in her. "Where did you have in mind?"

"I happen to know of a place on Deck Twenty-seven that's great for watching the stars," Blackwell said with a far too nervous tremor in his voice.

To her surprise, Mei-Wan found his trepidation encouraging. It meant this wasn't just a casual date between friends for him.

***

Mei-Wan let the liquid pool in her mouth, enjoying the smooth, cool sensation it produced on her tongue.

It was peaceful here. Not even the ubiquitous rumble of the Chamberlain's engines violated the sanctuary of this room. Timothy had reduced the lighting to a minimum, allowing them to see the stars outside in all their glory.

"So, how is it?"

It took a moment for the question to register in her mind and by the time it did, the one asking appeared more than a little irritated.

"Sorry, what?"

Timothy Blackwell smiled. "Do you like it?"

"Very much so." Mei-Wan returned his smile as she set her wineglass on the table in front of them. "Is that in the ship's replicator system?"

"No," Blackwell replied. "The recipe is one of my great-grandmother's. Fortunately we were able to get the pattern before she passed away."

Mei-Wan didn't want to seem uninterested in Timothy's family, but she was curious about something. "Do you bring women down here often?"

"No," Blackwell said, the long look on his face told Mei-Wan he'd been hurt by the question.

"I didn't mean to..." She stopped, convinced continuing with her apology would only make things worse.

Mei-Wan relaxed in the plush couch, facing the large windows and took another drink.

"Whose idea was it to bring in the couch?" she asked, hoping the change in subject would give her a chance to regain lost ground.

"Most of the equipment in here rarely needs tending, so a group of us from physics decided to turn it into a place to get away from it all." He chuckled, his moment of injury appearing to have passed. "I hear a couple of people actually come here for religious meditation."

"I think it's wonderful," Mei-Wan said, leaning into his shoulder. She heard his breathing quicken, but after a few moments feared it was more from surprise than interest. She sat up again. "Sorry."

"What?" he murmured.

"Some guys like to be the one to..." She turned and found him staring intently out the window. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." His gaze didn't waver.

"I just leaned against your shoulder. It wasn't like I took my clothes off."

He finally looked at her. "Clothes off? What are you talking about?"

She'd obviously misread him. It wasn't desire that had taken his breath, but something else.

Mei-Wan grinned. "Ignoring a girl isn't a good idea on a first date."

A flash of terror filled his eyes. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay." She placed her hand on his. "What's got you so distracted all of a sudden?"

After a long breath, Timothy pointed out the window. "We're facing the Kel-j'na wormhole."

"That's nice," she said. "And?"

"A ship just came through."

"I'm sure that happens a lot."

Timothy's face finally let loose a warm smile. "When it came through I noticed the local space-time fabric distorted in a way completely different than the Bajoran wormhole."

Mei-Wan glanced outside the window. "Isn't that to be expected, seeing as how there aren't advanced entities inhabiting this one?"

"Wormholes, regardless of how they're kept stable, should distort space the same way. That this one is different in that respect makes me think something else is at work here."

Mei-Wan frowned. "I suppose that's better than having you distracted by another woman."

"I'm really sorry, Mei."

From the look on his face, she could tell he was. But it didn't change how she felt either. Though remembering an argument she and Jack had engaged in more than a year ago did finally change her attitude. "I've done the same thing... and usually at the worst times. So I suppose I can't really criticize you for it."

"Sure you can." Timothy leaned forward, holding his head in his hands. "All I've thought about for weeks is this date with you and here I blow it by getting distracted by some spatial anomaly."

Mei-Wan touched his chin, turning his head toward her. "Do you know how many times I've blown a romantic evening obsessing over some archaeological site?"

He laughed. "I can tell this is going to be an interesting relationship."

She forced back a smile.

But he didn't miss it. "What'd I do now?"

"Relationship?" she said, lightly biting her lower lip.

"Guess I'm getting ahead of myself." He fell back into the couch. "Another of my many faults."

She leaned over to him. "Nothing wrong with that if it's the direction we're both headed."

"But it's not is it?" he asked with a buried look of despair. "You go down to Kel-j'na in the morning, and Chamberlain cruises through the wormhole an hour later. We'll be thousands of light years apart for who knows how long."

This was the last kind of argument she wanted to have with him. "I can't stay."

"And I'm not asking you to."

"Then what are you asking?"

Mei-Wan did her best to peer beneath the surface of this man. She'd always found him interesting, but it wasn't until this evening she'd discovered she had feelings for him. They weren't what she'd term love just yet, but she thought they might one day become that.

She wished she could see evidence of the same in him.

"I've known you for ten years, Mei. I've compared every woman I've ever been involved with to you, and now that my wildest dreams are coming true, I find myself frightened at every turn."

"By what?"

"That I'll say or do something to ruin it all."

She leaned toward him with a grin. "There's no 'all' here, just you and me. Be yourself, Tim. That's all I want."

He stared into her eyes, as if searching for more reassurance than her words gave. "And that relationship thing we were discussing a minute ago, what about that?"

"I can't make any promises, but..." She had chastised him about being frightened, but here she was afraid to be the first one to say how she really felt. The hell with it, she told herself. I've wasted too much of my life playing games. If I want him to be himself, I have to be myself.

"I'm not ready for any sort of commitment just yet," she told him. "But I know I care about you and I'd like it if we got a chance to know each other."

He smiled like a boy who'd just found the family Christmas tree surrounded by every gift he'd ever wanted. Mei-Wan enjoyed the child-like joy in his eyes. It made her feel just a bit more alive than she had at the beginning of this day.

"I'd like that too, Mei."

She settled in the couch next to him, resting her head gently on his chest. He put his arm around her shoulder, holding her with the kind of gentleness she'd come to expect from him.

As they watched the stars outside, Mei-Wan didn't think of the future. She wanted to enjoy this moment for what it was without burdening it with what might be.

***

"You ever think of the regrets your parents might have?"

Mei-Wan was surprised by the question, but it did break the long silence that had existed between them since they'd left the sensor suite on Deck Twenty-seven.

"I don't understand what you're getting at."

"At dinner we were talking about regrets."

"Yeah," she acknowledged, wondering where this was going.

"Suppose you'd lived your life, had kids, and then realized how much you regretted some of the choices you'd made."

"Okay," she said as they exited the turbolift onto Deck Eight. "I guess most people have regrets, even parents."

"Enough to think it would have been better if they'd made different choices?"

"Probably."

"But do you think they consider what that would mean to the children they've had, the children they love?"

"I'm not getting you."

"Think about it, Mei. You've had temporal mechanics classes, right?"

"Yes, a couple at the Academy."

"You make different choices, events unfold differently." He took a deep breath. "Not to get too personal, but what if you and Jack McCall hadn't divorced, and say you'd eventually had children. If in ten years you'd come to regret your marriage to him, how would those regrets make you feel about your children? Better yet, how would the children make you feel about the regrets? Guilty?"

She found his choice of an example a little distressing. She hadn't thought in those terms before. Why hadn't she and Jack had discussions like this? But Mei-Wan knew the answer to that. She and Jack had a mutual pact with each other to avoid anything that might challenge the other. And when real life finally forced them to have that kind of talk, it exploded into their lives, making the marriage crumble around them.

"I don't know... but I guess it would be hard to separate out the regrets if going back in time to make different choices meant your children wouldn't exist."

"I think that's how I'd feel, or at least hope I would."

"I don't know," she said, stopping in front of the door to her quarters. "I think you have to be honest with yourself, even if that honesty says you're not as good a person as you thought you were."

"I suppose it depends on if your regret was strong enough to make you wish you actually could go back in time and change how things had unfolded. It makes me wonder if we shouldn't take the beginnings of things more seriously than we do."

"I take beginnings very seriously," Mei-Wan said, stepping up to him.

They stared into each others' eyes for nearly a minute, but Mei-Wan wasn't sure where she wanted things to go at this point. Perhaps all the talk of regrets had finally gotten to her. No, she told herself. Asking him into her quarters would be the wrong choice regardless of their discussion. She'd learned that from her marriage to Jack.

"I hope you enjoyed the evening," he said, his eyes never wavering from hers.

"I did." She smiled. "And you?"

"Oh yeah. Most certainly."

Finally she broke their mutual gaze. "Tim, I know we probably won't see each other for some time, but for me I think taking things slowly for now is a good thing."

For a moment he appeared disappointed. "I don't want to rush you. I can understand that after a divorce you'd need time to be on your own, find your bearings again." He smiled briefly. "Create your own life, Mei. I think you deserve that."

"And what about you?" She hoped that didn't sound like an invitation to something more this evening. Though she knew she was becoming more torn on that issue as the seconds passed. Save it for the future, she told herself. We've got time.

From the mix of disappointment and expectation on his face, Mei-Wan got the impression he'd read her correctly. At least that's what she hoped as he took a step back from her.

"I've got some leave coming up," Timothy said. "You mind if I take it on Kel-j'na?"

"I'd like that very much. Be sure to let me know so I can clear time on my schedule." Mei-Wan grinned. "I'd hate for you to come all that way just to sit around while I'm working."

"Of course we'd have to find something to fill the time with."

"I'm sure I can come up with ways for us to enjoy ourselves."

"I might have a few suggestions myself."

She smiled. "Could be we're thinking of the same thing."

"I hope so," Timothy said as he backed his way down the corridor.

Mei-Wan waited until he disappeared around the corner. She entered her quarters and once inside felt a tinge of regret that things hadn't gone further.

Later, she admonished herself. Later.

***

Mei-Wan's thoughts were consumed with what that later time might be like as she changed into a blue nightgown. She was ten seconds from crawling into bed when her door chime sounded.

What if Tim's come back? Should I...

No, she decided. Not tonight.

The door opened. Mei-Wan wasn't pleased by the set of leering eyes taking her in. She pulled her nightgown tight around her.

"What do you want?"

Kyle Hoffman put up a sickly smile that did little to hide his true feelings. "This is an official visit."

"At twenty-three hundred?" Mei-Wan asked with a smirk. "I thought you spent these hours searching the lounges for unknowing women you can sucker with that false boyish charm you're so good at. Don't tell me on a ship this size you've run out of victims."

Hoffman exhaled as if to exorcise some moment of rage that quickly passed. "As science officer of the Chamberlain, I wanted to extend the services of my department to your institute on Kel-j'na. You and I have worked together before to unlock the mysteries of the universe, I see no reason why we can't do so again in the future. This ship will likely be in the Kel-j'na region on numerous occasions and I wanted to make sure you understood I bear you no ill will over whatever past problems we may have had." The smile returned. "I'm sure we both want to work together as professionals both for Starfleet and the sake of science."

Mei-Wan wanted to tell him exactly which level of hell he could go to, but in what was a rare moment of lucidity for Kyle Hoffman, he was right. There probably would be times in the months and years to come when the two of them would work on the same projects, and even when the Chamberlain might transport her and some of her staff from the Kel-j'na Archaeological Institute to some remote world.

"You're right," she said. "I appreciate your offer and please understand the institute will be available to aid the Chamberlain."

"Thank you, Mei." He gave her a nod. "We used to make a great team when we were on the Farragut."

Here it was. She knew where this particular trip down memory lane was headed. "I think we should stick to the professional courtesy part of this conversation, Commander."

He took a step toward the doorway. "Is it wrong for me to want to repair the broken relationship I once had with one of my dearest friends?"

"It would be different if you hadn't been the one to break it."

"Why can't we be friends again?" Kyle pleaded. "Together, you and I could accomplish so much."

"Like you and Natalie did?"

"Listen, she had no idea how a science department runs, or the idea of the chain of command. She tried to use our personal relationship to catapult her career forward."

"Like you've never done the same thing.," she said, leaning against one side of the doorframe.

"I have no idea what you're getting at," Kyle told her, his eyes avoiding hers.

"You form personal relationships to use people professionally. Looking back, you've always done that."

"Not true."

"You had no interest in bringing me aboard the Ravenscroft until I'd become known for my work on the Ancient Progenitors."

"You had become the archeologist I always knew you'd be. I felt it was time to make you a part of my team."

"No, you thought I was finally someone you could use to further your own career," Mei-Wan spat. "You had commanded that ship for a year before you asked me to join your crew. If you knew what kind of archeologist I might become, why not ask me before the conference on Yed Post IV?"

"Mei, what's happened to you? You never used to be this cynical about people."

"Only about you."

"Really?" he laughed. "So cynicism had nothing to do with your divorce from Jack McCall."

"Funny how you deflect an examination of your faults to other topics."

"What you call faults are a result of your own clouded perceptions. You got so full of yourself at that conference, so full of your own self-importance, that no one else, including the guy who had given of himself to train you, could ever measure up." He leaned forward and lowered his voice. "I remember how uncertain of yourself you used to be. It's still there. This super-scientist persona you've built is just a way to hide it."

"Leave."

"Mei, I'm not saying that to attack you." His tone softened. "I want you to know that I understand. You can be yourself around me."

Mei-Wan laughed. "And being myself probably means sharing your bed, right?"

"I saw the look in your eyes that night you came to my quarters."

She had tried her best to forget that evening. She'd almost... But the important thing was she hadn't.

"Kyle, I'm leaving in the morning. There's not a chance in hell I'm going to swoon over you ever again. Go find some silly ensign to fulfill your sexual urges. I'm not playing this game again."

He reached over to touch her arm, but she pulled back.

His eyes narrowed and focused on her chest. "You're like every other woman I've ever met. You all pretend you're your own person, but once you're in my arms you realize you've always wanted to be tamed by the right man. It's in your DNA."

"I'm a human being, not some animal to be tamed, or some prize to be won by you or any other man so you can go marching down the corridors in some parade of triumph!" Mei-Wan shouted. "Maybe if you'd grow beyond that twelve year old mentality you've got, you'd understand women don't exist as playthings to satisfy your stunted sexual development."

"You sanctimonious bitch!" Something in Hoffman's face changed. The arrogance was gone, replaced by a ferocity Mei-Wan had never seen in him. "You think you're so much better than me, don't you? You think because you're getting this institute job and I'm stuck on this god damn ship that you're the better scientist, don't you? But we both know I'm the better archeologist."

"Is this why you came down here at this hour?" Mei-Wan laughed. "You're worried not everyone thinks you're the smartest one in the class?"

"Don't you laugh at me! You know I'm better. I should have gotten the institute position. Admit it, damn it!"

"Excuse me..." a female voice behind Kyle broke in.

Both Mei-Wan and Kyle turned to the woman in the corridor.

"I'm sorry to interrupt..."

Kyle took a step toward the woman. "Who the hell are you?!"

"Uh, I'm Renee Da... I, uh..." The forty-something blonde appeared intimidated by Hoffman's outburst.

Mei-Wan, however, was glad for the intrusion. "You were saying?"

"I'm Renee D... Dawson, uh Lieutenant Dawson, I mean." She took a breath and seemed to calm down. "I was looking for the science labs on this deck."

"There aren't any damn science labs on this deck!"

"You sure?"

"I'm the ship's science officer," Hoffman said. "You'd think I'd know about that sort of thing."

"The labs are down on Deck Eighteen," Mei-Wan said.

"But I thought I was on..."

"You thought wrong!" Kyle shouted, getting up in the woman's face. "So go to the nearest turbolift and leave us the hell alone!"

The woman backed away as if in fear for her life.

For a moment, Mei-Wan felt as if the world were swirling around her. She thought it had to be the argument with Kyle, or maybe something was wrong with the artificial gravity. Fortunately the feeling passed quickly.

Mei-Wan smiled as Kyle turned back to her.

"Now, where was I?"

Before Hoffman could answer his own question. "Where you always are, Kyle. In a prison of your own making." Her hand moved to the switch on the inside of the door. "Don't ever try to talk to me again. As far as I'm concerned, you no longer exist."

The door closed between them, nearly taking Hoffman's nose off.

He stumbled backwards. "One way or the other, you'll eventually admit I'm the better archaeologist, Mei."

***

Mei-Wan tossed and turned, half awake, fragments of different dreams rising briefly above the turbulent waves of her unconscious. It almost felt as if...

She walked down a ship's corridor, but she couldn't tell which ship. Was it the Farragut?

No, it had to be the Chamberlain.

Then she was in her quarters... no, not in exactly. She stood in the doorway. Kyle Hoffman was there.

But she'd lived this already...

"You sanctimonious bitch!" Something in Hoffman's face changed. The arrogance was gone, replaced by a ferocity Mei-Wan had never seen in him. "You think you're so much better than me, don't you? You think because you're getting this institute job and I'm stuck on this god damn ship that you're the better scientist, don't you? But we both know I'm the better archeologist."

"Is this why you came down here at this hour?" Mei-Wan laughed. "You're worried not everyone thinks you're the smartest one in the class?"

"Don't you laugh at me! You know I'm better. I should have gotten the institute position. Admit it, damn it!"

"I'm not having this discussion."

"You know what I'm saying is true, you're just too arrogant to admit it!" Kyle yelled.

Wait... something wasn't right. Didn't somebody come by before? That woman...

Hoffman took a step toward Mei-Wan. "You're like all the others. You use me to learn all you can, then start taking credit for accomplishments that should have been mine! Shutting me out of the advances I deserve!"

Before this, Mei-Wan had considered all of Hoffman's talk as posturing, but the rage in his eyes was unmistakable. Mere talk wasn't going to satisfy him now.

"Get out!"

Hoffman put his hand up to the doors before her hand could make it to the switch. "Who's going to make me leave?"

She looked about her quarters for anything she could find to even the odds, but nothing was within reach. Mei-Wan had no choice but to call for help. "Security..."

"Shut the hell up!" He pushed her backward.

Mei-Wan tumbled and felt a sharp pain at the back of her head, a moment later, the room went dark. After a few seconds she realized she was flat on her back. Her nightgown was being pulled upward.

"Did you think you can treat me like I'm nothing and get away with it?!"

Hoffman ripped open the flimsy material she wore. She knew she should be afraid, but none of it seemed real, except for the pain at the back of her head. It felt as if someone were driving a pickaxe into her skull every couple of seconds.

"Now you'll learn!" Kyle shouted.

Mei-Wan tried to call out for security again, but her mouth wouldn't do as her brain ordered.

She couldn't tell how much time had passed. Suddenly she felt Hoffman's weight on top of her, his face near hers. She steeled herself for what she knew was next.

Everything went dark again.

When she opened her eyes, he was leaning back, but she didn't feel what she'd feared. What the hell was he doing?

Kneeling between her legs, Hoffman was...

Mei-Wan laughed.

She didn't know why, but for some reason the idea that Kyle Hoffman couldn't get his own body to cooperate with his rage struck her as incredibly funny.

She laughed a second time.

"What the hell?!" He slapped her hard across the face. "Stop laughing at me!"

She almost passed out.

Hoffman howled and grabbed a heavy bronze figure off the table behind her. He lifted the ancient piece of Roman artwork over his head. "I'll shut you up!"

Mei-Wan heard a loud crack in her forehead.

With the second blow everything went black.

---

A bright light shined down on her.

"Her vitals are deteriorating. Set up the cardiac stimulator!"

It was a male voice. Doctor Preston's maybe. Yeah, that sounded right. She couldn't make out anything but shapes. Dark blobs moving against lighter ones. Her eyes refused to focus. No, that wasn't right. Only one eye could see.

"Damage to the cerebral cortex, hemorrhaging of..."

What did he say?

"The left eye is gone." That was a female voice.

"A piece of her skull has... oh my god, what the hell did he do to her?"

Mei-Wan felt the weight of an entire planet slam into her chest. She couldn't catch her breath.

"Get that stimulator set up now damnit!"

Darkness again.

---

"That's a terrible way to go."

She turned to the sound of a familiar voice.

Staring at the biobed, wearing a beaten up hat and dusty clothes from another era, Hank Evans shook his head. "But I've yet to see a good way." He looked at her. "Still, you're too beautiful a woman to have had that happen."

"Hank?"

He gave a short nod and placed a cigar in his mouth. He struck a match against a nearby wall and touched the bright flame to the end of the cigar. "Tell me," he said as he took a long draw. "Did it hurt as bad as it looks?"

"What?" She was standing at the other end of the exam room, the pain was gone, but...

He pointed to the biobed where a body lay motionless, the face mangled and covered with blood. Bits of shattered bone pierced the surface of the sea of flesh like the tips of miniature icebergs breaking through a tortured red ocean.

Was that her?

"I didn't feel much at all. At least not from that. But the back of my head..."

"That was a table in your quarters," Hank said, taking the cigar from his mouth.

"You were watching?"

"No." He exhaled a long plume of smoke. "One thing you'll get used to is how you just know things."

"Used to what? What's there to get used to?"

He let out a chuckle. "You think it's normal to be watching doctors work on your body from across the room?"

She glanced back at the biobed. So it was her, but that meant...

"Yep."

"You can hear me thinking too?"

"Like I said, you just know things."

Something about Hank wasn't right. At times she could almost see through him, as if he were made of energy instead of matter. Could they have both been exposed to a phased cloaking device?

No, that didn't seem right. Hank had... but that must mean she...

Her mind refused to accept it. There had to be a logical explanation for all of this.

Without looking, Mei-Wan could tell someone walked into the room. It was Jack. Preston said something to him, then left.

Jack took the lifeless hand of the body on the biobed. Tears fell from his eyes.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Mei. You deserved better than this." His knees almost gave out.

Mei-Wan started to move toward her ex-husband, but Hank took hold of her arm. "Better not."

"I'll make sure that son of a bitch pays for what he did to you. That's the least I can do now," Jack said. He no longer fought back the tears.. "I'm so sorry I..." He walked out.

"Why does he blame himself?"

"That's why you married him, remember."

"What? That's not true!"

Hank took another draw off his cigar. "Jack feels responsible for every bad thing that happens around him. Like his crew being in that prison camp, or Larissa James being killed. When things can't be made right, he blames himself." Hank lowered the cigar. "It's who he is. One day it'll either destroy him or end his career."

"No," Mei-Wan whispered.

A flash of light filled the room.

"What the hell was that?" Hank mumbled.

"You mean there's something here you don't know about?" Mei-Wan asked her nineteenth century garbed companion.

Hank frowned. "I'm still adjusting to this condition myself."

The next second they were in the Chamberlain's security section. On the other side of a force field Kyle Hoffman sat in the brig, rocking back and forth, muttering to himself.

"You've got to feel sorry for the little bastard," Hank said.

"Sorry for him?!" Finally the full weight of her situation hit Mei-Wan like a house collapsing on her.

She was dead.

And Kyle Hoffman had killed her.

"The guy's nothing but a bundle of frustrations," Hank told her. "Sure he acts like he's on top of the world, but he's so afraid of everything. Finally he lets all of that rage out, every rejection, every failure, every laugh, piled up over a lifetime explodes and strikes out. He could have used it to better himself, but instead he kills you. Do you know what Starfleet will do to him?"

"For all I care, they can space him." Mei-Wan didn't feel generous toward the man who'd tried to rape her and when that wouldn't work because of his inability to rise to the occasion, he'd decided to kill her. No, generosity was the last thing she felt.

"They'll do worse," Hank replied. "They'll change who he is."

"Trust me, in Kyle's case that can only be an improvement."

Hank shook his head. "You'll understand eventually."

"Don't hold your breath."

Hank laughed. "Have you noticed yourself breathing in the last few minutes?"

Come to think of it, she hadn't.

"Some things you won't miss, others, well, they'll take some getting used to."

Hoffman began crying out, "Bring that bitch to me! Bring her here so I can smash her face in again!"

Mei-Wan shook her head in disgust. "Does he think if he plays crazy they'll let him get away with it?"

"He's not playing."

"Right," Mei-Wan laughed.

"Killing someone the way he did changes a person. He'll never be right after this, not even when he ends up like you and me."

She still didn't believe it, not really. There had to be a scientific explanation for this. Some anomaly in the continuum, or something even more strange. Of all the conceptions of death she'd ever considered, having Hank Evans play a cowboy version of Virgil was the last she would have expected.

"Trust me, I don't like the wild west getup either," Hank said with a sigh. "I'm still trying to figure out why I got stuck in these clothes."

Mei-Wan hadn't even considered what she was wearing. She looked down at herself, thinking she'd be in uniform, or maybe the clothes she'd wear on a expedition. But instead she wore a white casual outfit, though she had to admit while it was comfortable enough, she didn't like the style at all.

"Don't worry, I hear it'll eventually make sense."

She turned to him. "So who else have you seen?"

Hank smiled. "You can see whoever you'd like, but be careful. Bringing people into your little corner of eternity is the easy part, getting rid of them can be just the opposite. Dead people tend to be awfully lonely."

"I find that strange considering how many people there have to be."

"It's a big universe," Hank said. "But you don't need warp drive or wormholes to get from one side to the other."

"That could have advantages."

"Don't get too excited by the prospect. Our ability to manipulate the world of the living is extremely limited."

"But there's so much to learn, so much I can see now that I'd never be able to see before."

Hank took a step back from her. He seemed afraid. "You don't know what it's like, Mei. But you'll find out."

Another flash of light.

Hank's fears seemed to multiply.

"You sure you don't know what that is?"

"I've seen it a couple of times before, but never this intense." He looked down. "What the hell?"

Mei-Wan followed his gaze toward her abdomen. "It's me?"

"Maybe... no, not you. Something separate, but still part of you." He looked upward. "Something far away, but connected." Hank smiled. "Your child."

"I don't have any children."

"That's a lie."

"No, I'm telling..." He was right. It was a lie, but one she'd come to believe. The child her sister Li-Na carried was never hers. That baby had been a product of Todd Nakano and another Mei-Wan.

"Nakano? Well, I'll be damned!"

Mei-Wan frowned. "It wasn't what you think."

"Having a child isn't something I would have expected from you no matter the timeline."

Another flash of light, this time nearly blinding.

"We need to find somebody who knows what's going on. I don't like this one damn bit."

Hank walked toward a wall. Mei-Wan was about to call out to him, but a moment later, he marched though it.

"This is going to take a lot of getting used to." She began to follow Hank, but suddenly felt heavy, as if....

No...

She was dead. Her life, everything she might have been, was gone.

The flashes of light started coming every minute or so. That is if her perception of time was accurate.

She thought back to what Hank had said about being able to travel the universe. Perhaps it wasn't all gone. Maybe she stood on the edge of the greatest adventure of all.

Something was wrong. The last flash didn't fade as quickly.

She heard a scream. It was Hoffman.

"What's happening?!" he called out. "Mei?"

He could see her, but how?

"You bitch! You're doing this, aren't you?! But how? You're dead!"

Mei-Wan couldn't help laughing. That'll teach you for killing me, you...

---

Mei-Wan sprang up in bed. The room was dark, but she knew she was in her quarters.

She was alive.

Bad dream, she thought. She smiled and sank back into her pillow. "Well, not all of it was bad."

A few seconds later, Mei-Wan fell into the sea of a restful sleep.

***

Mei-Wan walked down the corridor, a bag slung over her shoulder. It was heavier than it needed to be, but she wasn't about to leave behind the two bottles of wine Natalie Fowler had given her as a going away present.

There weren't many things about the Chamberlain she would miss, but spending time with Natalie was one of them. There was Timothy too, but he was... Well, she'd have to see how that went. She had a feeling there might be a future to that relationship.

Mei-Wan hadn't paid much attention to the corridors of the starship where her life had played out the last couple years. When she finally arrived at the entrance to the shuttlebay, she was a little surprised she'd found her way there at all.

The doors opened and Mei-Wan smiled. Standing next to the shuttlecraft she'd be taking down to Kel-j'na stood the Chamberlain's captain.

"Hi," she said, walking up to him.

The grin that had always seemed to multiply Jack McCall's attractiveness erupted on his face. "After all we've been through, I thought I owed you the courtesy of seeing you off."

"You don't owe me anything, Jack. We both made mistakes. I don't see much point in keeping tally of who still owes who for..."

"I owe you for making me a better person, Mei," he said with a far more serious tone than she'd ever expected from him. "If it hadn't been for you, I'd still be back on that cattle ranch. You made me look to the future again."

"You taught me a lot too."

"What? About what kind of guy not to marry?"

"Jack..."

"Sorry." He stared down a the deck a moment, but then the smile was back. "I hope this works out for you, Mei," Jack said. "You deserve some happiness for a change."

"I'm looking forward to not having my life feel like its blown about by the wind of galactic events anymore."

"I've learned something about that from being on a starship," he said with a grin.

"And what's that?"

He became more at peace than she'd seen him in a long time. "History may be the engine that drives our lives forward, but our choices steer the course." He leaned forward and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Make choices that will help you become the person you've always wanted to be, Mei."

She nodded in agreement.

"Probably time we both did that," he added.

She reached forward and took Jack in her arms, but not as a wife or a lover. For the first time, she knew how much she genuinely cared about this man, despite his flaws, or maybe because of them. "Take care of yourself Jack McCall. I won't ever forget you."

The shuttle behind them came to life as its engine powered up.

Neither said another word as Jack turned and left the shuttlebay.

Mei-Wan finally walked into the small craft and stowed her bag. The bright-faced ensign at the controls gave her a glance.

"Ready to go, Lieutenant?"

"Yes I am," she said with more conviction than she had ever expected from herself.

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Dark Horizon Story and Characters Copyright ©2007 Michael Gray

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