Chapter 7 – Is This Me

Mei-Wan sat down and looked at her plate of pasta, Dani’s soup, the steaming bread, a glass of Kel-j’na Safariza, and Dani’s ice water. She remembered a time not long ago when there was only one setting on the table instead of two. She much preferred it this way.

“Something on your mind?” Dani asked as she began to eat her pasta.

The food before them took Mei-Wan’s thoughts a new direction. “Given your physiology, do you eat because you need to or just to join me in my meal?”

Dani looked at her. “I consume the food for nourishment. It revitalizes my body, giving me additional energy to function.”

“I doubt you had soup or bread on your world.”

“My body can consume many different substances and convert them to energy.”

Another, less pleasant thought, tugged at Mei-Wan’s mind. “When we’re intimate, and I go inside your body, could you…”

“Consume you?” Dani asked, pausing a moment. “Yes. But I never would any more than you might consume another human.”

“That has happened in our history,” Mei-Wan replied. “It’s not something we’re proud about.”

“Going beyond the actions of your ancestors shows a capability for growth and advancement,” Dani said. “It pleases me each time I see your kind display such growth.”

They began to eat, but after a minute, Mei-Wan set her fork down.

“I spoke to Raymond Saselo an hour ago,” she said.

“About our presentation?” Dani asked.

“About what we talked about earlier,” Mei-Wan said. “About starting a life, putting down roots somewhere.”

Dani nodded. “He is a mentor of yours. Seeking his advice…”

“It wasn’t advice I was after,” Mei-Wan interrupted. “I asked about taking a teaching position at the Academy.”

Dani stopped eating her soup. “Are you considering this for me?”

“For us.”

“Are you willing to give up field work so soon?”

Mei-Wan smiled. “I’ll miss it, and I’ll definitely miss our friends here, but I want to start a life, a real life… with you.”

“Couldn’t we live a real life here?”

“Not the kind I’m thinking of,” Mei-Wan replied. “It’s time to give up adventure and hunting down every scrap of data about the Ancient Progenitors.” She reached across the table and took Dani’s hand. “I was hoping we could make this arrangement a bit more permanent.”

Dani’s hand tightened around Mei-Wan’s.

“I believe I would like that immensely,” Dani said.

***

Several hours later, Mei-Wan and Dani rested in bed together.

“You nervous about the trip?” Dani asked.

“No,” Mei-Wan said. “I’ve been to Yed Post before.” She peered at Dani. “I’m just glad to not be going alone this time.”

“You’ll never be alone again, Mei.”

***

The Chamberlain completed its survey of the planet Davella, and began preparations to leave orbit. Most of their reports would be sealed and sent off to Temporal Investigations. Fortunately, Marie’s presence and her own report on events in this system would likely prevent any further investigation. Jack was beginning to see the advantages of being an admiral.

Jack didn’t like having to leave the Davellans to the mercy of the being he had met, but he couldn’t very well get into a war with someone as powerful as Nahas. Perhaps in the future, the Federation might be able to deal with beings who wielded time as a weapon, but he hoped he would never see that day.

For now, the Davellans seemed happy enough on their world. Jack would have to hope they remained that way until sometime in the future the Federation was able to free them from Nahas.

Zaylie approached Jack’s desk in his ready room.

“What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

She looked down. “I listened to the recording of Loftus from the surface, the one where she described us being under attack.”

Jack motioned for her to take the seat across from the desk. “And you have questions?”

Zaylie finally looked up at him. “Do you think it really happened?”

“For the rest of us, yes,” Jack said. “Fortunately for the four of you, it didn’t happen.”

She nodded and looked out the nearby window. “How can something happen for you and not for me?”

“Didn’t they explain that to you in your temporal mechanics course?” he asked.

“Yes, but I don’t mean in terms of physics,” Zaylie said. She seemed to hesitate for several seconds. “Am I an alternate version of my previous self?”

Jack could see this was troubling her a lot. He had at first considered not telling any of those who went down to the planet what the rest of them had heard, but he didn’t want someone blurting it out, and them not having any context.

“Am I… is the real me dead?” Zaylie almost pleaded.

“No,” Jack said. “The real you is sitting here with me right now.”

“Then what about that version of me who was wounded down on the planet? What happened to her?”

“That was a possible you,” Jack said. “One which fortunately didn’t come to exist.”

“But for the rest of you back here on the ship, she was the real me, not just a possible me.”

“You ever study the thought experiment called Schrödinger's cat?” Jack asked.

Zaylie grinned. “Yes, in my Academy physics course.”

“The best way to think about this experience is to put yourself in the place of the cat sealed in the box,” Jack said.

After a moment, she nodded. “I was both the wounded Zaylie and the one bored to death guarding a shuttle at the same time until you came down to the planet?”

“Something like that,” Jack said. “I’m sure Sunita might be able to put it in more mathematical terms, but I think you’ll find this a good way to think about the experience.”

“So, both happened?”

“I don’t know about that being the reality of the situation,” Jack said. “But for our limited minds, it gives us a way of sorting out crazy crap like this.”

“And I was both people?”

“In a way,” Jack said. “Once I went down there, I found you all alive, and that’s the version of events which has continued to play out.”

“You going down to the planet saved us,” Zaylie said.

“And here you thought guarding the shuttle was such a bad way to spend your time,” Jack said with a grin.

“I won’t think of guard duties as boring any longer.”

“Oh, they’re still boring.”

“But boring is better than wounded or dead,” Zaylie said with a smile.

It seemed as though Zaylie was past the crisis.

“Thank you, sir,” she said. “I feel much better now.”

“Any time, Zaylie.”

She smiled and stood. “I’ll get back to my duties.”

Jack nodded and watched as she headed to the other end of the ready room. But she stopped.

“What do you think happens to those other versions of us when this one is chosen as reality?”

Jack stood and waved her toward the front of the ready room with its windows peering forward. He joined her in front of the windows.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Perhaps it’s a good thing we can’t understand things like that. Better to focus on the life we have here in front of us, not the ones which never came to exist for one reason or another.”

“Does it ever become too much for you? All of this strangeness?” she asked.

“We’re out here to encounter the unknown.” He paused a moment. “In most cases our understanding expands and we add to our knowledge.”

“But not in this case.”

Jack took a long breath. “Sometimes we encounter something which we can’t understand. Perhaps our minds simply aren’t advanced enough to understand what we’ve come across.”

“Like a chimpanzee trying to figure out a holodeck.”

“Something like that,” Jack said with a grin.

Zaylie nodded. “I guess there are some things we just have to leave in God’s hands.”

She left the ready room.

For once in his life, Jack wished he shared Zaylie’s faith. He feared there was no one to handle something like this.

***

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